Today, I have been missed.
We talk more when apart than when we're together.
It's weird the way things work out, hey? Coming to uni, I had this fantasical interpretation, not that everything would be better, necessarily, but that I'd be about to meet a bunch of people that would become my friends for life. Images of us sitting in the kitchen drinking tea, reminiscing about the good old days, while our kids play with their toys and our husbands are off down the pub to watch the football together pop to mind. Of course, this is a wistful imaginary situation, and not a sensible true-to-life anticipation. But it's a cosy thought.
Naturally, there's so many new people to meet, you're bound to find good friends among them, with reunions and travelling and lots of sun and fun to come after those three years of building foundations, right? Or not. Perhaps it was due to the environment I was brought up in, the type of person I am, people I knew from high school were all quite similar already; we'd already been narrowed down by background and education, despite the fact that there was far less choice in terms of friendship or relationship options; there seemed to be far more common ground to set as a basis. Now, I find it's not so true what they say about university. Perhaps it's because there is so much choice; from so many different places, it's less likely you'll come across those you want to keep in touch with, and even if you do, it's harder to hold on to them with all the different circles people move in. Maybe I held my hopes too high.
Increasingly, I'm finding that if I had the choice, I'd rather spend it with home faces than here. I don't really see why it's such a problem to be homesick. To miss uni when you're at home makes you cool and studenty; to miss home when you're at uni makes you wussy or non-independant. I much prefer living home to here. It's great to have opportunties laid out at your feet, actually be able to get out of the house, be free to see who I want when I like. But every interaction is such an effort, and I just want people I can feel comfortable around, not feel a need to talk. It's such a cliché about the whole silent moments of understanding together, but sometimes, there's comfort in just having a shoulder to lean on and someone to hold your hand when things get tough.
May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
On the jukebox: Green Day ~ Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
We talk more when apart than when we're together.
It's weird the way things work out, hey? Coming to uni, I had this fantasical interpretation, not that everything would be better, necessarily, but that I'd be about to meet a bunch of people that would become my friends for life. Images of us sitting in the kitchen drinking tea, reminiscing about the good old days, while our kids play with their toys and our husbands are off down the pub to watch the football together pop to mind. Of course, this is a wistful imaginary situation, and not a sensible true-to-life anticipation. But it's a cosy thought.
Naturally, there's so many new people to meet, you're bound to find good friends among them, with reunions and travelling and lots of sun and fun to come after those three years of building foundations, right? Or not. Perhaps it was due to the environment I was brought up in, the type of person I am, people I knew from high school were all quite similar already; we'd already been narrowed down by background and education, despite the fact that there was far less choice in terms of friendship or relationship options; there seemed to be far more common ground to set as a basis. Now, I find it's not so true what they say about university. Perhaps it's because there is so much choice; from so many different places, it's less likely you'll come across those you want to keep in touch with, and even if you do, it's harder to hold on to them with all the different circles people move in. Maybe I held my hopes too high.
Increasingly, I'm finding that if I had the choice, I'd rather spend it with home faces than here. I don't really see why it's such a problem to be homesick. To miss uni when you're at home makes you cool and studenty; to miss home when you're at uni makes you wussy or non-independant. I much prefer living home to here. It's great to have opportunties laid out at your feet, actually be able to get out of the house, be free to see who I want when I like. But every interaction is such an effort, and I just want people I can feel comfortable around, not feel a need to talk. It's such a cliché about the whole silent moments of understanding together, but sometimes, there's comfort in just having a shoulder to lean on and someone to hold your hand when things get tough.
May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
On the jukebox: Green Day ~ Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
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ReplyDelete:-(
ReplyDeleteHomesickness sucks big time, and even more so when you have the stresses of exams and what have you. I know what you mean about home friends as well - lucky as I have been, there are still some things that I just can't talk to my university friends about and it makes me crave the company of people who I don't have to explain myself to, I can just be with them and they'll understand. Being away has tested those friendships and made the strong ones stronger.
Five or six weeks, right? Keep at it :-) xx