Twenty Fifteen

Today, I have looked back. 

Happy New Year!

In the past year:

• I have exercised. I started yoga classes, I started line-dancing. 
• I have visited UK cities: London, Liverpool, Sheffield, Chester, Brighton, Bristol
• I have travelled abroad: Berlin, Dublin, Amsterdam, America, Brussels.  
• I have lived alone, for the first time. It has been fantastic. 
• I have been on my first camp holiday with Brownies. It was so much fun. 
• I have been to see The Feeling, George Ezra and many artists at V Festival.
• I have been to see several comedy shows. Mostly hilarious, occasionally bizarre.
• I have bought a car. I have driven on my own, often, for short journeys.
• I have taken a first aid course. I have had to apply the skills in a real situation.
• I have made new friends. I have kept the old. One is silver, the other gold. 

In the upcoming year:

• I will continue to do yoga. I hope start some cardio classes, too.
• I will be going to Scotland and Germany. I hope to visit Iceland also
• I will continue with Girlguiding. I hope to complete my leadership qualification.
• I will continue to live alone. I hope to have friends over more often.
• I will be seeing Maroon 5 and Taylor Swift. I hope to see more live music.
• I will continue to go to comedy shows. I hope to go to as many as possible. 
• I will continue to drive my car. I hope to make some longer journeys. 
• I will see my friends, new and old, whenever I can. We will make plans. 

Life is good. 

My only real resolution for the year is to read more books. That ties in with controlling my screen time in so much as being conscious of when I'm spending too much time on screen and forcing myself to take a break and read a book instead. 

Flitterbook: The Year I Met You ~ Cecelia Ahern 

Flitterbox: Nick Drake ~ Northern Sky

Little Writer

Today, I have written.

"Writing while young will help improve memory. The process helps you remember feelings and experiences you have forgotten and makes you more expressive. Writing will force you to come up with the right words to describe thoughts and emotions and as a result, you become more proficient in expressing yourself."

I suppose this summarises why I like to write. It's not really for readers, but without the mere idea (even if misguided) that someone is listening, there's not much point in attempting to express yourself in a way that captures the attention of another person. Mainly, I just want to remember the good stuff. There are a lot of fun moments in my life at the moment. I am young, I run free, and I have so many friends and things to do that it is hard to keep track of them sometimes. I am also sad a lot of the time, but I am trying really hard not to let that get to me. I am trying so hard not to let it show. 

So, the month of May has been a busy one. It's partly why I wanted to keep up with blogging every day. I haven't, of course, but that's okay. I have booked flights to Dublin and America. I want to go to Belgium and Amsterdam too, because I can and to travel whilst you're young is the time to do it. I'd much rather spend my money on experiences than objects. 

This weekend, I had an indoor "BBQ" and played board games with a group of friends. Some old, some new and some I'm just getting to know. It was quiet and sort of subdued but I think that's fine, sometimes. I'm a little lost, but it kind of seems that many people are in their twenties. I just have to keep doing, keep going, keep saying yes and hope that at some point it will all come together.

Blogging causes me to be awfully reflective and sometimes that's helpful and sometimes, I think I think too much, y'know. 

Flitterbox: Clean Bandit ~ Rather Be

Shining Light

Today, I have been everybody.

As one is wont to do when one is feeling blue, I find myself reminiscing on days gone by. This particular trip took me back to two years ago today.

Most people get stressed about exams. Most people get sad about stuff ending and everybody hurts, sometimes. I am everybody. And while, yes, I am upset at the moment, it will pass. And in the midst of my temporary sadness, that fact is a shining light. I am happy. Life is good.

Maybe if everyone who is drowning holds hands we can all make it back to the shore

I am not a one in four, anymore.

On the jukebox: Spiderbait ~ Sunshine On My Window

Happy Days

Today, I have felt the end of exams excitement.

"Three weeks to go..."

For most people, afterexams is a concept that lightened the stress of the assessment period, a general view taken that afterexams, everything would be alright. For some, that's not the case, test time is not much different to any other part of life, and the sad state of mind doesn't end with the end of exams, as everyone expects it should. Some people can't understand why what you feel isn't always directly related to your sequence of life as it appears on the outside.

I made it through.

Now, the silver lining isn't just a mistaken shade of grey. It's real silver and it shines and it sparkles and there's a little twinkle that catches every now and again as a reminder that we need the clouds and the rain to appreciate the sunny days. People with the most rain get to see the best rainbows when the sun comes out. Trust me, I'm a scientist.

I've got a good feeling and it's not going away.

On the jukebox: Johnny Nash ~ I Can See Clearly Now

Eggsham Sandwich

Today, I have felt the weight on my shoulders.

Eggs 'n' ham are just one of the many fillings in the bread and butter of life.

Bread and butter of life? Ok let's go with that. Why not? Bread is the bulk of your daily diet, but you've got to have a bit of butter to make it worth eating. Butter is the little things that spread joy to your bread, the extra oomph that lets you really enjoy that slice of life. As we all know - Small Things Matter The Most.

Sometimes, I get a bit silly when I'm stressed.

It's been a while since I've been able to distinguish 'stressed' from, well, another word that rhymes with it. So now, yes, I'm stressed. About assessment, about accomodation, about aboy, and of course that minor little niggling known as The Rest Of My Life. But I think I can deal with that, in time. It's going to be okay.

I'm going to be okay.

Do you like green eggs and ham?

On the jukebox: Alanis Morrisette ~ Mary Jane

Fab Bib

Today, I have counted down the days left at the bibliothéque.

Reasons why I literally love la library:

out of the house + daily exercise + routine + friends to meet + faces to greet + making mates + study sessions + birthday parties + tea time + 'doing lunch' + unexpected encounters + undisturbed understanding + boys + books + smiles + looks + concentration + central heating + learning environment + tidy desk + focussed mind + surrounded by people + maximum efficiency + social butterfly + busy bee + work + play + done by end-of-day + lifts home + consolidating relationships + lots of water + clearer skin + brighter eyes + bushy tail = happy bunny

I feel sick at the smell of Red Bull.

On the jukebox: Steps ~ Heartbeat - hi, I'm nine years old

Making Aquaintance

Today, I have been to freshers fayre.

"Is Jo your friend? Could you give this to her?"

I know Jo, she's the girl that lives down the hall. Is she my friend? I've only known her five days, can you really call someone a friend after five days? We've had a few conversations, it's nice to have someone to talk to, but I wouldn't really call her a friend as such, more someone I kind of know but don't really connect wit...oh you're still waiting for an answer?

"Uh, yeah, I guess..."

As eloquent as ever, I gave the answer that was expected. Yes, I did know her, as well as I knew any of the other 100 odd people I'd met that week. But I wouldn't say we were friends, just yet.

Freshers week is weird. So weird. The first day, I met Charlie. For the first few days, we were very close; completely comfortable with each other despite the fact that we were virtual strangers. Perhaps, for that reason, we were more noticable than we would have been individually. There were more rumours than I care to recall, chances are paranoia led me to believe everyone was talking. Charlie and I were everything from best friends to siblings to partners, depending on who you spoke to:

"Is he your boyfriend?"
"Oh, I thought he was your brother"
"But you know each other from home, right?"

In reality, Charlie and I are very different people. We lived across the block from each other, but after the first few weeks we barely spoke, as is the case for many fresher week friendships, borne out of expediency and desperation for acceptance in an unfamiliar land. I don't miss Charlie. I miss what we were together; the excitement; the potential; the attention attracted; the initial spark of anticipation; the taste of student life to come.

Don't fall in love with me yet,
We only recently met.

There is no way I would want to go through freshers week again. Sure, it was fun, but it was unbelievably exhausting, overwhelming, tearful and unpredictable. In writing this, I can't help but feel a twinge of nostalgia, a hint of envy, but more than that: a sense of relief.

I'm still standing, better than I ever did.
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.

On the jukebox: Paolo Nutini ~ Last Request

Great Britain

Today, I have wandered o'er vales and hills.

Red, white and blue,
What does it mean to you?
Surely you're proud
Shout it aloud.
Britons awake!

What I love about coming back from holidays is coming back to England. After a long and winding scenic journey, I collapsed into bed, exhausted, as the birds sang their morning tunes outside my open window. Awoken mid-afternoon to the constant pitter-pattering of rain, it felt good to be in the country that I call home.

I love England.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I enjoy going away for a few days or weeks - to have the opportunity to experience new cultures, to return to favourite places, visit familiar faces in far-off lands. But it's fantastic to come back, appreciate the simple things. Green! Trees! Hills! Valleys! Temperate Temperatures! Dips and blips and twists and turns! I love the variation in landscape, routes, architecture, history. I love the British humour; the British customs; the British manner. I love knowing where I am; where to go; what to do.

Home is where the heart is.

The sense of belonging is what it comes down to. Indeed, I feel more comfortable knowing I am a resident of the country rather than a transient tourist. Even just visiting family or friends across the waves means fitting in better, as it's easier to adopt the association with the community rather than feeling like a faceless alien in a foreign place. Since I've got older, I've noticed it more, as when I was younger it didn't bother me so - but then I never had a say in where I'd go.

Travelling the world doesn't appeal to me all that much, particulary. There's no latent desire locked up inside my soul to see all there is to see. Of course, there are so many amazing destinations, so much I've enjoyed experiencing and still a fair few hotspots on my hitlist. But I'm glad to be settled in the UK for the time being - it's good to be home!

Today has taught me: Almost half of the residents of Toronto were born outside of Canada (...yet many immigrants will consider it their home.)

On the jukebox: Chantal Kreviazuk ~ Leaving On A Jet Plane