Sunday Morning

I walk across town, a sunny June Sunday morning. Fresh croissants and strawberry smoothie in my bag. I pass a women on her way to church, we exchange morning greetings. I’m heading to eat breakfast with my family. My life is a novel, a poem, a collection of short stories. Every moment, I want to stop, take note, record.

Choral music plays from a window. Bells chime, birds sing, a child laughs. A dog sniffs at my feet, I smile at the owner.

I like living in a place where strangers say hello when they cross in the street or when walking their dogs. I like living in a place filled with green spaces, flowing rivers, old houses, open gardens. I like living in a place where my immediate family is within easy distance. I like living a life that is intertwined with family and friends, where encounters aren’t always planned to last a whole day, but can be spontaneously arranged upon suggestion. Where ‘meeting up’ is just popping in for a cup of coffee on the way to somewhere else, that then turns into full breakfast with siblings all there. I like it like that. We cook and eat and drink together. We chat and laugh about the night before. We gather round and swipe through photos. We spend an hour or so with each other, before going onwards with the rest of our day, separately.

Moments like these are the ones to remember. A simple Sunday morning with family. I want to stop, take note, record, and so that is what I have done.

Coconut Cookies

Today, I have made coconut oat cookies.

I have a list of things I like, up the top there. I wrote it several years ago and recently re-read, musing on whether they all still apply. For the most part, they still do. I don't wake up to the sound of the radio any more, but I do still listen in the morning sometimes. I don't read the newspaper so much but I keep up with the news online, such is the digital age.

I like speaking French, most often when I've had a drink or few. I have started learning Spanish which is  more difficult than I anticipated. Whilst I have come across the language before, of course, I've never formally studied it and finding that commitment to learn and motivation to keep going is so much harder at this age and stage in life. I took for granted how easy it was just to go to language lessons at school because I was obliged to attend, to do the homework because I was a diligent student. Seven years of French and I'm by no means fluent, but common words and frequently used phrases come to mind readily. Seventeen weeks of Spanish and I can barely scrape a complete sentence without making a mistake or having to think twice. But, I am signed up for another course that takes me up to summer, and I'm sure in seven or so years' time, I will be glad I stuck at it.

I like coconut oat cookies. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, I wouldn't choose to buy nor eat biscuits, usually. Cake and tea are a classic combination that I am happy to indulge in on occasion, but it's not a regular occurrence. I just felt, this week, for some reason, the need to make the favoured bake of my childhood. Simple and satisfying: mix dry, mix wet, add wet to dry and dump dessertspoonfuls on a tray for baking. The end result is deliciousness achieved in under half an hour.  This is not the kind of blog where you scroll through three paragraphs to find a recipe, but I doubt that's the reason you're here - lmgtfy if it is.

The rest rings true on the whole and there are many other things I could add. I think a good way to get to know someone is ask about their likes - the little likes that are fun to find out and the large likes that mean you have something important in common and that like could be the foundation of a fantastic friendship.

I like reflecting.

Flitterbox: Mulan ~ Reflection

Be Positive

Today, I have made a mind map.

Be kind. Be patient. Be positive.

I like the idea of a blank page. A fresh start. A new approach. I don't want to make resolutions about being fitter, or eating more healthily, or having more hobbies. There are things I wish to achieve by this time next year, there are things I want to do by this time next week.

January is a gloomy month. Dark, wet, desolate. So, I'm going to be better to other people.

Be kind, lend my time, an ear. Send a letter, or a package. Meet up and make plans with friends. Give compliments, offer help, take on additional tasks. Cook meals for others, spend time in favoured company, play games together. Keep the Brownie Guide Law: a Brownie thinks of others before herself and does a good turn every day. I tell them to keep it, but do I check myself? Thinking of others is not just offering first use of the red pencil, but also considering feelings and responding appropriately to them. Empathy is a hard skill to master, but I think it starts with simply being kind.

Be patient. I am often quick to be frustrated, quick to give up, scared to try new things. Patience isn't something that comes easily to me. I do get annoyed readily, with situations as well as people. I get upset by not seeing change quickly enough, and yet tend to avoid taking small steps in the right direction. I need to remind myself to take a moment, take a breath, keep my thoughts and temperament on track and try to be better at putting things in perspective and understanding other people.

Be positive. It's easy to focus on the bad stuff, but equally, it's not actually that hard to recall all the good; to do good. It might take a bit of adjustment to natural thought processes and usual patterns but I hope that if I keep reminding myself, I might be able to make a habit of being happy.

Being happy. Really, that's the ultimate aim of most resolutions.

September Spending

Today, I have been spending more in order to avoid delivery costs.

With September comes the panic-buying of knitwear to see me through the turn in the weather. I bought two cardigans of the same design in different colours (navy and purple) and then another jumper-type item and underwear, to push my order over the free delivery threshold. I don't like the top that much when tried on, yet can't be bothered to take it back, so essentially I paid £7 for delivery plus free knickers.

I bought a book for a fiver from here partly because someone told me to and partly because it was limted-time free delivery. It looks like it has some good tips, but I imagine it might sit on my shelf for a long while before I make use of any information contained within. I feel just owning it makes me seem like more of a functioning adult though.

I bought a backpack for city trekking and then a CD for a fiver, for the same delivery-charge avoidance reason. Also because I'm too lazy to make my own compilation for the car or work out how to connect miPod. Plus, the album art is pretty. Yes, I judged a CD by its cover.

To add to that, I have a few days away, full of meals out; museum visits; boat tours; travel tickets; wine-tasting, and the rest. September spending is yet to be curbed...

Flitterbox: Jessie J ~ Price Tag
Flitterbook: Road to Rouen ~ Ben Hatch

Many Thanks

Today, I have felt appreciated. 

Thank you notes are just the best. Even when someone emails back just to say thanks for doing something that is part of your job, it's a small boost. Especially in times of increasing written contact, you can't hear the gratitude in their voice or see it in their face. You have to rely on someone literally spelling out their thanks.

It's nice to do nice things. It's lovely when someone takes the time to express how grateful they are for what you've done. It makes you want to do more nice things for people. 

Flitterbox: Spice Girls ~ Stop

Yawny Owl

Today, I have unpacked.

I have just had the best big birthday weekend away, all expenses paid and food included. Plus a tonne load of fun activities including plenty of singing, climbing, sword-fighting, clue-hunting, arrow-shooting, disco-dancing and dropping down from high heights. The weather was wonderful and the children were lovely. 

There's no other way I would have wanted to spend my first weekend as an over-25-year-old than swinging on a giant swing over-25 feet in the air. 

So much fun. So super tired. 

Flitterbox: DJ Casper ~ Cha Cha Slide

Feeling Fearful

Today, I have experienced acrophobia.

I used to hate heights, but now I can cope a lot better. I have been up to the tops of buildings of many cities across the world, it's the best ways to get the views. While I still don't feel wholly comfortable with high places, the fear is more rational than it once was.

But it suddenly struck me on a bridge today, constructed high above the river flowing beneath. It had stood there for over 200 years without issue, people were crossing constantly, there were sturdy barriers. Unfortunately, reason doesn't hold much ground when faced with phobia.

I got the shakes and the start of the tears and I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. It was scary but with my eyes facing forward and my fingers not moving from the handrail for the short length of the strong, steel bridge, I managed it.

As Baz Luhrmann told me: "do one thing every day that scares you". That was one of  my scary things for today and although it wasn't massive wouldn't be a problem for most people; I am slightly proud of myself for not going back, for not bailing. Big things are built from little achievements.

Flitterbox: Frank Sinatra ~ That's Life
Flitterbook: The Rabbit Back Literature Society ~ Pasi Ilmari Jääskeläinen

Wiser Eyes

Today, I have been a grown-up.

There's nothing hugely different about being an adult, it happens almost without realising. I was a slightly anxious child and while I'm not as confident as I could be, it's simpler living in a world where people and processes of life are more straightforward; some things are still daunting, but it's easier to decipher situations and work out how to deal with them.

One of my favourite things about being in control of my own life is being able to eat whatever I want, which seems small, but feels mighty. If I want pancakes for breakfast? I can make them. If I want to have steamed vegetables as a starter because they cook faster, and then have the protein and potatoes to follow after, I can. If I want to eat ice-cream before my main course, no-one is stopping me. It's liberating to be able to cook and choose for myself. Of course it's nice occasionally to have meals prepared for me, but it's great to have the option to pick what I want to eat at any given time of day.

I don't know if I ever dreamed about these things as a kid, but I can imagine some children do. Like, all the stupid things that are out of reach to under-10s and suddenly become available once you become independent. I mean, of course, with great age comes great responsibilities too, but don't forget the power you have. You can stay up past midnight! You can have those sweets from the supermarket! You can watch whatever you like on the TV, even if it's gory or scary or violent or sexy! You can see your friends whenever you like! You can drink alcohol! You can have boys to stay in your room! You can go out by yourself! 

What would mini you want to do?

I think I was always kind of worried about growing-up. I was scared that my signature wouldn't match my credit card, terrified of speaking to people on the phone, wary of paying for shopping in stores.* Today, I have done all of these things without even noticing. I had noodles for breakfast and a doughnut for lunch, because I am a grown-up and being grown-up means I can. 

Flitterbox: Avicii ~ Wake Me Up
Flitterbook: The Rabbit Back Literature Society ~ Pasi Ilmari Jääskeläinen

Valentine Time

Today, I have been rosy.

I love the idea of Valentine's Day.

Personally, I find Valentines is only really fun if you are single or perhaps in a fairly recently established relationship, because there’s always that little beacon of hope that allows for a real surprise, however unlikely the case may be. If you’re attached, there comes the burden of expectation and if you’re single, it’s not as if you forget that fact on every day that isn’t Valentines day…

However, if you're single, you don't need to be worried about expecting a card or a gift or an elaborate demonstration of eternal devotion. So, if you do receive something out of the blue, it's a pleasant surprise, and you're not left wishing a certain someone had made more on an effort on this single day that everyone hails as the one to show your love.

Despite the "it's only one day of many" sentiment, I do still think it has a place. Valentine's is a valid excuse to tell the people you treasure most how much you care about them. These may be partners, friends, or family. Or may be what I see as the "proper" reason for Valentine's day - the person you secretly admire. Because isn't it quite wonderfully flattering to find someone is thinking of you? It's troublesome territory, it's true. Maybe the object of your affection doesn't return your feelings, maybe it's been long since you could or did have a chance with them, maybe there's someone else in the picture that makes the whole situation rather awkward or maybe it wouldn't work due to circumstances beyond your control. But Valentine's day is the day where you can overcome that. Even if you can't say or do everything you want to, you can let them know, somehow.

So do it. It doesn't have to be romantic inclination, necessarily. It could be a friend you've lost touch with, or someone you care about and sometimes miss. It could be someone you know you have no chance with, but you want to let them know that they gave you something special. To let someone know that you're thinking of them, and this comes again 'round to the fact that you're not thinking of them because it's Valentine's day, but because you would think of them anyway, and Valentine's somehow allows for a legitimate window to say the things you mightn't usually say. Some people say that takes away from the idea of it being "for the one you love" but I say, it's whatever you want it to be. What's wrong with saying Happy Valentine's Day? It's nice.

And perhaps, if you are the recepient of such a sentiment, accept it graciously. Even if it scares you, even if you never expected it from that person, even if you have no desire to return the favour. It takes some courage to tell a person that you like them, that you want them, that you miss them. You're laying your heart on the line and being vunerable can be terrifying. Plus, rejection stings. But, you know, sometimes it's worth putting yourself out there, risking the opportunity that something more may come of it. And if it isn't reciprocated or appreciated? It's a shame, but you'll get over it. It's better to have tried than to have never known.

So hey, why not embrace Valentine's day. Who will you be telling?

Flitterbox: Ellie Goulding ~ How Long Will I Love You

Vingt-Quatre

Today, I have accumulated over two dozen years of life.

My twenty-fourth year was a good one. I got a graduate role, finally, after a year of limbo. I met people from the internet, finally, after many years of on-line acquaintance. I made new friends; I did new things. I am so glad  that I do not have exams. I am so glad that I am not unemployed. I am ostensibly content, to a certain extent.

My twenty-fourth birthday was a good one. I met up with the girls for brunch; we painted nails in the sunshine and it was fun. Then we went for coffee & cake, and chatted about boys and chocolate. It was the most I've laughed in a long while; we giggled ridiculously over stupid things, acting like the fourteen year-old school kids that we once were.

It's weird being an adult. My job isn't ideal; my career path is unclear. I do not know where I will be when I turn twenty-five, but I'm fairly satisfied with the way this year has turned out.

Flitterbox: Florrie Arnold ~ Sunday Girl

XX III

It is a fact I am wont to forget, that while life at the moment has its downsides, at least I do not have to revise. I do not have to write a 40-60 page dissertation. I do not have to perform a 15 minute presentation. I do not have to pretend to read 75+ scientific papers. I do not have to spend 9 hours a day skipping between 2 windowless laboratories and a dingy computer room. I do not have to demonstrate my knowledge from the last 4 years to 3 strangers in 20 minutes. I do not have to sit in silence for 3 hours and answer 5 out of 6 questions. This is the first time in over 7 years that I do not have formal summer examinations. 

I wish good luck to those who still do. 

It's a beautiful birthday*

Flitterbox: The Little Mermaid ~ Under The Sea

*apart from the fact that blogger deleted this entry, so I had to type it all out again from memory. Grr.

Otterly Odd

"We should meet up more often"

We met by the penguins, it was quite fitting. Sort of awkward at first, but once the ice was broken, the quips were served and as we passed by the monkeys, we were well into the swing of things. It was weird, but not in an obvious way. Much of the time, we found ourselves falling in step as a pair, behind the rest of the group and conversation flowed easily and enjoyably. There were a few smart remarks that left an impression, but no blood was drawn. After the camels came Camden, complete with chips, caps, cupcake corsets and cocktails. Unfortunately, train strikes called for an early end to the events; I accepted the offer of a walk to the station. While we'd been together and talking about all sorts for most of the day, the five minute stroll was the first time we'd spent together without the others within reach. Questions were ventured. Cheeks were flustered. Answers were not forthcoming. It was weird, in an obvious way. 

"It was nice to see you again"

We hugged. Holding tighter than necessary, but not for long enough. A squeeze of the arm and a brush of the fingertips and that was it. That was that. 

What was that?

Flitterbee: Damien Rice ~ The Blower's Daughter

Glass Houses

I don't quite remember when I first met Billy, or how. But somehow, we kept bumping into each other and then there was never enough time to talk as there was always somewhere else to be and so, eventually, we met up for tea (we both really like tea) and chatted there instead. Billy likes tea with two sugars. I have none. This is something we have always disagreed upon. Billy and I have a rather tempestuous relationship and perhaps that's because we are both complicated people with complicated feelings and perhaps that's because we're both quite similar in some respects. Or because we're complete polar opposites. It's a fine line.

Lying Down

I like lying down. I do it whenever I get the chance and I have someone crazy enough to join in the game with me - The Lying Down Game. You may have heard of it.

Here's the deal: lie down, face to the ground, arms by your side, feet perpendicular to the floor and get someone to take a photo of the position. The more interesting the surroundings, the better the shot, but you can do it literally anywhere you fancy. 

Espresso Expression

I like tea. I drink an awful lot of it. But somehow, recently, with neither effort nor intent, I’ve found that I’ve become a coffee convert?! This troubles me somewhat.

It all began whilst on a short break in Europe. The climate was so cold, I initially drank coffee as a mere body-warming and brain-waking tool – frothy cappuccinos and creamy caramel lattes from a cosy sofa-filled café are too delicious to resist when it’s snowing outside and you’ve been on your feet for hours. I would have usually opted for tea, naturally, but on the continent there wasn’t always that choice available, or at least not to the same standard that I’d have in England. So, before I knew it, my tongue grew accustomed to the alternative and I started to crave coffee constantly: a comfort for frozen fingers; a wake-up buzz; a boost for weary bones; a specific desire for the unique taste that I had seemingly acquired without even realising.

Butterfly Heart

What a wonderful weekend.

It snowed and so we went to a butterfly farm!!! From sub-zero to sub-tropical temperatures in an instant, surrounded by fantastic colours and creatures. Amazing! Then we ate a divine meal at lovely restaurant and popped into a music shop, where my presence was completely legitimised by my drum-playing companion, and I could secretly check out the plectrum collection for further earring creations and wonder whether I should pick up my instrument again and re-learn the fingers so I can play songs from a few of my favourite things. The cold weather guided us towards tea for two and hot cake in the afternoon like proper posh peoples, innit darhlin'. After painting nails, a few slices of pizza and planning a trip abroad, we dressed up and ventured out and spoke in faux accents and downed shots of tropical cocktail, poured from a teapot. It was fabulous and we made a toast with each sip in a kind of Thanksgiving way, whilst commenting on any groups or individuals that fell in our eyeline. Clink, clink, drink, drink, wink, wink. Then we danced and laughed and fist-pumped and jumped about until it was time to go home. It was ace and sadly served to confirm my feelings that boy and girl can not just be friends in the way that girl and girl are Just Friends.

But maybe that's okay.

Flitterbox: Razorlight ~ Vice

Hippy Chic

I've become one of those girls.

You know, the kind that packs twice as many dresses as she has nights out planned, then buys a new outfit whilst away and decides to wear that instead. Oh dear. I've become one of those girls that thinks it's appropriate to wear leggings with nothing more than what is effectively a t-shirt, cos if it covers your bum, that's fine, right? Oh dear. I've become one of those girls that thinks that UGG-style boots are appropriate footwear for anything other than house-bound slippers. Oh dear.

I Like

I like listening to the radio in bed in the morning.

 I like eating breakfast with peanut butter and honey. I like rhyming and winter sunrises and  poetry  and mystery. I like cheeky eyes and dimples in grins, I like earrings and rainbows and butterflies. I like learning things  and doodling on skin. I like purple and green and pink and orange. I like reading the newspaper and speaking French. I like sarcasm, metaphors and innuendo. I like watching people and eavesdropping on conversations.  I like thinking and I like making other people think. I like bookshops and the countryside. I like taking pictures and asking questions. I like facts and lyrics and quotations; assonance, analogies and alliterations. I like writing letters and receiving packages. I like musicals and my pets. I like winning and I like flirting. I like apple juice and I like coconut oat cookies. I like walking barefooted and painting my nails. I like grapes and cake and dancing. I like showing off and dressing up and making friends. I like plaiting hair and drinking  tea. I like Canada and England and Paris and Rome. I like wearing eyeliner and buying clothes. I like horse chestnut trees, changing leaves and Cheddar cheese. I like holding babies and holding hands. I like autumn sunsets and ice-cream and waffles. 

 I like listening to music in bed at night. 

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

Flitterbox: Eels ~ I Like Birds

Fruit Cake

In Soviet Russia, cake consumes you. 

In a strange twist of Pavlovian conditioning, eating Christmas pudding now reminds me of my birthday. Six months ago, someone gave me a sweet and suspiciously sticky Soviet-style cake that if I was sensible and cautious, I probably wouldn't have tasted, because I'm not sure how much I could trust where it came from. But, hey, who am I to refuse free cake? So, I took that leap of faith, and settled down to a warm fruit-filled, cream-covered slab with a hot cup of tea on a sunny May afternoon, a calm moment amidst all the anxiety and trauma of my final examination season.

Sometimes, cake saves your life at the moments you least savour. 

Banana Pancakes

 The leaves are turning
yellow, like Bananas and
Cheddar and Sunshine.

I like bananas. I like them chopped on cereal; I like them dropped in my handbag; I like them dipped in custard. I like banoffee pie; banana milkshake and banana cake. I like peeling away the skin like it's a present and eating it as if I were a monkey.  I like the fact that they are yellow, since so few foods are and it contrasts nicely with my predilection for purple clothes and accessories. I like candles that are shaped like bananas and I have longed to receive a naked banana in the post.

I like bananas. So when someone told me to blog about them, I took to the suggestion with gusto (albeit with a slight delay), despite the fact that I suspect it was a throwaway sarky remark about my nonsense nature of my approach to writing...