Twenty Fifteen

Today, I have looked back. 

Happy New Year!

In the past year:

• I have exercised. I started yoga classes, I started line-dancing. 
• I have visited UK cities: London, Liverpool, Sheffield, Chester, Brighton, Bristol
• I have travelled abroad: Berlin, Dublin, Amsterdam, America, Brussels.  
• I have lived alone, for the first time. It has been fantastic. 
• I have been on my first camp holiday with Brownies. It was so much fun. 
• I have been to see The Feeling, George Ezra and many artists at V Festival.
• I have been to see several comedy shows. Mostly hilarious, occasionally bizarre.
• I have bought a car. I have driven on my own, often, for short journeys.
• I have taken a first aid course. I have had to apply the skills in a real situation.
• I have made new friends. I have kept the old. One is silver, the other gold. 

In the upcoming year:

• I will continue to do yoga. I hope start some cardio classes, too.
• I will be going to Scotland and Germany. I hope to visit Iceland also
• I will continue with Girlguiding. I hope to complete my leadership qualification.
• I will continue to live alone. I hope to have friends over more often.
• I will be seeing Maroon 5 and Taylor Swift. I hope to see more live music.
• I will continue to go to comedy shows. I hope to go to as many as possible. 
• I will continue to drive my car. I hope to make some longer journeys. 
• I will see my friends, new and old, whenever I can. We will make plans. 

Life is good. 

My only real resolution for the year is to read more books. That ties in with controlling my screen time in so much as being conscious of when I'm spending too much time on screen and forcing myself to take a break and read a book instead. 

Flitterbook: The Year I Met You ~ Cecelia Ahern 

Flitterbox: Nick Drake ~ Northern Sky

Blackberry Picking

Today, I have felt the fall chill.

It's coming to the end of summer. Start of September, you know the drill. Except, except, this year it's different. This year, for the first time in eighteen years, I will not be going back to full time education. This year, for the first time in over twenty-two years, I have no planned out path for my immediate future.

It scares the hell out of me.

Closing Time

Today, I have been woken up by my body clock.

Summer signifies endings. For the past five years, that is what it has always been about. In the same way that September signifies a fresh start, Summer is the indication of everything coming to a close. End of compulsory schooling; end of sixth form; end of halls; end of university. End of friendships. And I'm thrilled that I'm doing so well, but there's always the pinches of sadness within the whirlpool of happiness. It couldn't work any other way.

It's the end.

Life is going faster than I can keep up with and suddenly it's end of term? It's all birthday, drinks, birthday, party, birthday, bbq, birthday, celebrate, one day after another constantly, without a chance to fully appreciate the moment. I'd like to stop and hold it for a bit, pin down the butterflies, gather up the fireworks and blu-tack the moments to my heart, but I think if I stand still for too long I'd just be watching it whoosh by instead and that would make me more upset.

It's the end.

I can sort of see what they mean now when they say that student years are the best ones. I don't ever plan to describe it as such, as it's been such a confusing mix of emotions, rushing throught the heights and depths of growing up at the speed of light that it's very hard to say, confidently, that it was the time of my life. But I can sort of see what they mean, now.

It's the end.

It's all going to end soon, and gosh, I'm going to miss it. Like anyone does, I already miss the moments I know I will never have again. Change is hard. It's weird and often upsetting and bound to be unsettling. But eventually, you get used to it, you accept it, and though, you know, things won't ever be the same again, you are able to move on. Because there's always something more just around the riverbend and every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. So keep swimming.

The End.

On the jukebox: Semisonic ~ Closing Time - wham! in the solar plexus

Shining Light

Today, I have been everybody.

As one is wont to do when one is feeling blue, I find myself reminiscing on days gone by. This particular trip took me back to two years ago today.

Most people get stressed about exams. Most people get sad about stuff ending and everybody hurts, sometimes. I am everybody. And while, yes, I am upset at the moment, it will pass. And in the midst of my temporary sadness, that fact is a shining light. I am happy. Life is good.

Maybe if everyone who is drowning holds hands we can all make it back to the shore

I am not a one in four, anymore.

On the jukebox: Spiderbait ~ Sunshine On My Window

Final Farewell

Today, I have said goodbye for good.

It's raining.

Overwhelmed. It's a habit to focus on the bad points of the moment, it's natural to see the past through rose-tinted glasses. I fear if I go on too long, I'll end up rambling and get emotional and uninteresting. So I'll try and keep it brief. Goodbyes are rubbish. Life is difficult. Results were a huge relief. This week has been great. Next year will be weird. The future is scary. You live and you learn and you keep on living.

Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings.
The only thing that's left to do is get another round in at the bar.

On the jukebox: The Calling ~ Wherever You Will Go <3

People Person

Today, I have spoken to strangers.

Usually I don't find it too hard to talk to new people, given the circumstance where it's appropriate or necessary, at a party or a barbecue or a situation where you're surrounded by friends of friends or just plain alcohol-fuelled chance encounters, chatting with strangers.

It's fun to meet new people. The thrill of not knowing where it's going, finding out information, piecing together their past, fantasising about the future. You can pretend to be anyone you want, because chances are, it won't need to last too much longer, so it's fine to keep up the act. Sometimes, I feel like I'm only interesting for the first impression. That first spark of excitement. After that, there's no use in waiting around. Perhaps it's a sign of chronic insecurity, perhaps a sign of earnest desperation for acceptance, perhaps I'm punching above my weight or out of my league. Perhaps, it's just not possible to keep up with everyone - if you click enough, you'll find a way to stay in touch?

It's sad, I feel, that I've met so many new people so near to end of term, especially when so many of them are leaving. What we really need, I reckon, is three weeks of welcome-back partying at the beginning of the academic year. When you know enough people to party with, but there's always going to be people you don't know there as well. A chance to get to know people, and have enough time to cultivate the relationships. Now, it feels like I'm only just getting to know some people really well, or at all, and then suddenly it'll be forever without seeing them, because we're not close enough to arrange to see each other when not in the same city.

Strangely enough, it feels like I don't want to leave this place so soon, and yet, on the flip side, I know half the fun of it is knowing it can't last forever. The point is that we're building up to an end. Otherwise, we wouldn't be livin' it up every night. The point is, we won't see each other for at least four months, a year, or never again. It's part of the mixed up this time of year feeling and it's part of the reason I'm sat here now, reflecting and pouring out my soul, feeling like I want to cry my eyes out whilst jumping for joy. Utter Madness.

Sore Throat. Hurt Head. Aching Body. Tired Eyes. Bleeding Heart.

On the jukebox: McFly ~ 5 Colours In Her Hair

Party Time!

Today, I have been to a party.

Far from the wistful childhood party days of jelly, cocktail sausages and fizzy pop, nowadays it's all about the...jelly, barbecued sausages and...fizzy pop. Okay, so maybe it's not all that different nowadays, except for the vodka in the jelly, the beer on the sausages and the wine with the fizzy pop. But in essence, it's very similar - a group of young people gather 'round to sit and chat and play...

It's taken me a while, I'm still not completely all there, but after a couple of years, I think I've hit a spot where I'm comfortable and satisfied with who I am and what I do. This may be a flitting moment of madness, an up on the rollercoaster of life, so don't be surprised if I change tune in two minutes or so.

This week, I've packed more into my social life than the rest of the academic year put together. I've met more new people than I could ever imagine keeping up with. I've had more fun than I thought possible, and what's more, I've finally found a group of friends who I can spend plenty of time with. First year, while there were moments of pure hilarity, was not the most fantastic year of my life. Second year has had it's own share of issues, but looking back, I might be so bold as to say it's been better than first year. Certainly, after exams last year wasn't the best time for me, and while this season has it's own share of heartache, I feel like I'm dealing with things a lot better. I feel more secure in myself, happy and settled with the person I've become.

End of year is a confusing time. It's so up and down and all over the place. It's kind of been a bit of a blur, I want to catch hold of every moment and treasure the time together, but it's all going so fast I'm not quite sure what to make of it. As is probably evident by this jumbled and disjointed entry, it's all a bit twisted and turbulent and will be over too soon. But hey, if you're on the ride, you might as well open your eyes.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, and there's still more to come!

On the jukebox: Jessica Riddle ~ Even Angels Fall