Disco Cake

Yesterday, I was sad.

So, I baked purple coconut cupcakes.

Then, I danced around like a ungainly lunatic.

I felt slightly better. 

Flitterbox: Groove Armada ~ I See You Baby

Bridging Oceans

Today, I have reminisced.

You know when you recognise someone from facebook or a film or whatever and then you see them in real life and it's like, well, I feel like I know you from somewhere, even though we've never met. It was a bit like that.

I waited for the train to arrive at the arranged time. Many faces but no sign of the right one. So I waited half an hour for the next train, nerves escalating, pacing the platform like a wild...nah, I was just a bit apprehensive,  but less nervous than expected, to be honest. The train eventually appeared and recognition was instant.

After greetings, we walked around for a bit. We went to the castle, 'cause you know, castles seem quite cool to foreigners. We took a picture by the statue. We talked. We ate food. He paid for the meal and opened the door for me, the sexist bastard! The discourse largely consisted of laughing at the discrepancies in our respective languages, as well as comments about the country in general.

Anyway, it was twenty to one odds of catching the train to the next destination if we didn't get to the station sharpish. We rushed back and it wasn't yet half past, so we sat for a while and discussed the encounter. We took a picture together. It was a bizarre experience, but it was well worth it. What have I learnt from the exchange? Details don't really matter; a name is not integral to a person. Conversations are what make the connection. Plus, I got an awesome birthday present out of it. And whoever said there's no such thing as a free lunch?

Chances are, we'll not cross paths again, not out of choice but due to circumstance. But you know what? I think I'll keep in touch. It's great what technology can do these days. 

So...who's next? 

On the jukebox: Estelle ft. Kayne West ~ American Boy

Turning Twentwoon

Today, I have been a quivering wreck. 

It wasn't just nerves. It was also lack of sleeping and lack of eating and generally feeling completely overwhelmed by everything. I spent the hours prior to my presentation sat shivering from apprehension as well as the fact that it was frickin' freezing in the lecture room. But I did it. It was okay. 

As for my birthday? Pancakes at breakfast o'clock, as made by beautiful housemates, along with banners and balloons, outside my room upon awakening. It's peak exam season, so I didn't expect gifts, but I was presented with a bagful of sweet treats, mainly, but also a few surprises. Crunchy nut clusters, syrup flapjack, party rings, toffee popcorn, cheesecake and cookies. Plus stickers, Sparkle Magazine ( complete with Strawberry's Secrets notepad and pencil!) and an animal colouring book. I think I just turned six years old. 

The excitement of my morning was followed by a full day in the library.

A few packages, phonecalls and minor panic attacks later, my housemate thought a birthday tipple might be a good idea. So, there I was, drinking neat gin on the rocks at 11pm, whilst still trying to finalise my presentation. A few sips was all it took for me to start feeling the effects...

I didn't get much sleep last night.

So now we're back around to the start, where I'm sitting in a chilly room, shaking like a bowl full of jelly on a washing machine, ready to give a presentation in front of thirty-odd people. All but one of them male and four of whom had previously hit on me. But I did it. It was okay, I flashed a few smiles and wore a low-cut dress. I may not be science-smart, but I sure do know the way to a man's heart. Joking.

In other news: I still have no cake.

On the jukebox: Ace of Base ~ C'est La Vie (Always 21) - I am as young as I'm feeling

Time Out

Today, I have been led astray.

It is so rare that I give something or someone my undivided attention.

I turn on the computer in order to do work, yet I can't help but get distracted by this or that. How many tabs do you have open at the moment? I'll just briefly check this, while I wait for this page to load. Of course, that's counter-intuitive because the more pages I have loading, the slower each one will run. It doesn't require much incentive to quickly flick away for an instant, just for a 'break' only to find you've spent ten, fifteen, sixty minutes longer than intended.

Again, back to the hidden secrets of textual activity and internetworking. It's quite plausible to have moments where one is simultaneously texting three different people, whilst instant messaging another. No individual recipient need know about the others and the thing is, with technology these days, no-one actually expects you to devote all of your concentration to one task. You were working, but you had your phone on you, didn't you? Well, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm obliged to respond straight away. If I did that with everyone, replied instantly as soon as I received the message, it's quite possible I would never get anything done. Indeed, more often than not, that is the case.

(Incidentally, in writing this entry, I've turned away twice already to reply to a text. Point proven, eh?)

So, it's good you know, to be with someone, face to face and to be able to focus solely on that conversation with that person. It would be rude to get your phone out, those texts can wait. If it was urgent, people would call - I've heard that remains an option, even in these modern times. When there's two of you sitting in the car, or going for a walk, there's not much else to give attention to than each other. Sometimes I don't feel there's enough of a chance to do that, you know, just take some time out to talk. There's always something you should be doing, or even if there's not, television and computers provide enough entertainment to not be concerned with trivial confab. You don't have to have deep and lengthy discussions, of course, silence can be just as welcoming, but it's a relief to know that you can have a chat without diversion, not to be constantly flipping between different focuses and settle on a subject that could lead to interesting discoveries about a person, a history, or an opinion that you might not have realised had you not chosen to give the undivided attention that everyone deserves, sometimes.

You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk.

On the jukebox: Sondre Lerche ~ Sleep On Needles

Geek Girl

Today, I have sourced scientific artefacts.

I am not cool.

I am not cool. Conversing with people on the internet is not a cool thing to do. Insightful, interesting, and thought-provoking, yes, but not cool. Science is not cool. Intellectual, innovative and incredibly useful, yes, but not cool. Teetotal is not cool and drinking alcohol in moderation is disobeying the social commandment of students. I prefer photoshop to painting; I prefer books to tv; I prefer writing to talking.

I am weird, I am geeky, I am quirky, I am special. I am the kind of person who makes a periodic table out of post-it notes or knows pi to eight decimal places, I am the type of person who spends a free morning looking at chemistry-based jewellery or trying out different ways to wear a lab coat.

Sometimes I pretend to be cool for the hell of it, and hey, sometimes I get away with it. But really, pretending to be cool is just another way of being weird. And to be honest, I'm quite alright with that.

Girl, 21: charming but insane

On the jukebox: Tom Lehrer ~ The Elements Song

Keep Swimming

Today, I have consumed a packet of chewing gum.

Three cups of tea. Two bowls of museli with honey. The not-quite nervous breakdown appeared again this morning. Half an hour of text messages exchanged and a brief phone call later, the storm has passed.

"You always do great"

True, but that doesn't stop the irrational fear of failure and persistant panic, propelled exponentially by the sight and sound of peers' perfect notes and superior knowledge. Lack of routine leads to a wandering mind, one which is reluctant to return to full concentration once it's left to drift away. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

"Fancy trading revision for the real world?"

There arrives the perspective. Of course, revision is tedious, arduous and downright depressing. But probably preferable to the alternative. Revision means that I can afford to spend the day under a duvet and fit in yet another birthday meal (fifth one of the fortnight, win!) in a longer lunch break than would be permitted in The World of Work.

I'm not ready to give this up.

Exams start in two days.

On the jukebox: Anna Nalick ~ Wreck Of The Day <3

Psychotic Pyromaniac

Today, I have played with fire.

In the beginning a flame,
very pretty,
often hot and fierce,
but still only light and flickering.

I like the flames.

On the jukebox: Kings Of Leon ~ Sex On Fire

Ponderous Pauses

Today, I have had an awkward encounter.

You know how you spend ages trying to forget about or get over mistakes you've made, and then three crop up at once? Thoughts collide inside your head - I could have played it differently; what it would have been like if I had? how should I handle the situation now; what do I even say? - making it ever so hard to focus.

There is a hobo living in the library. He has dreadlocks down to there and he walks around in bare feet. Not socks, but bare feet. He looks in his late twenties, but maybe the beard makes him look older, and he sits alone. It makes me wonder who he is and where are his shoes?

Today has not been a very productive day and my back aches.

On the jukebox: Newton Faulkner ~ Foundations

Ready Reader

Today, I have read the newspaper.

A welcome break from Statistical Thermodynamics and Reaction Kinetics, it's easy to just pick up a paper and skim an article or two before cracking back on with the work.

Usually it'll be The Metro in the morning anyway, 'cause, hey, it's free, so why not? However, I have also taken to splashing out on A Proper Paper - priced around a pound, but slashed to 25p for a strapped-for-cash student like me. I like to read something new, even if it's not all that different from day-to-day, there may be something that strikes a chord, something that makes me think of something in an alternative way.

I like to read: articles, novels, blogs, letters, people... I just like to read.

On the jukebox: Daniel Bedingfield ~ I Can't Read You

Instant Gratification

Today, I have been instantly gratified.

Give it to me, I gotta get it, I want it.

Rarely do I need to wait for anything. Almost anything can be checked immediately via the internet, buses come every ten minutues or sooner, food can be eaten straight from the fridge, TV programmes are watched on demand. If a friend doesn't text back within half an hour, suddenly it's all "well, what have I done wrong?"

Just because everything is avaliable so readily, doesn't mean you have to have it instantly. Sometimes, it's good to wait. Good things come to those who wait...

Part of the problem of procrastination is that it's so easy to fill time with nothing in particular- everything is there at your fingertips, there's no reason to deny yourself the option to have it right now.

Now, now, now!

A little more laughter,
A little less worry,
A little more kindness,
A little less hurry.

On the jukebox: The Beach Boys ~ I Get Around

Preparation Procrastination

Today, I have researched and emailed and browsed and read and shopped and searched and planned and packed and panicked.

While packing isn't the most awful activity to carry out, it is still one that I do not enjoy. Half the time, I feel I'm living out of suitcases and boxes, these past few months have been no exception. As I struggle to gather together everything for my upcoming trip, I'm searching through untouched boxes from university living, along with bags from other visits, holidays, days out. The main worry is that I won't pack everything I need, and although that's never yet been a severe problem, there's always the potential for things to go wrong.

Perfectionism seeps through, touched by minor OCD-type mentalities. Have I checked it 187 times? Do I have everything? Will it be enough? Is it too much? What if it's too hot? What about when it rains? What will we do?

This part of preparation is the bit I hate. It's not even about leaving things to the last minute, it's all these factors that are beyond my control. I want to feel like I'm making the most of every moment, I want to fit everything in, I want to have an amazing time. Organisation isn't my forté, yet there's still this compulsion to have everything just so, I want to make sure I know all there is to know, planned all I can to make the most of the time, the place, the opportunity. Frantically emailing friends to find out what's best from the people who live there, people who've been there, websites, guide books, anything. I want to do everything, but there's not enough time, I want to experience as much as possible, but how to fit it all in, and when?

There's fireworks on this day
and you've got to visit here,
we'll provide you with a place to stay -
you know, we live quite near.

On Thursday it's a festival,
You've got to do the tour,
Make sure you see the best of it all,
And if you've time, there's more!

Well, I just want to say it twice,
there's that and this and there,
so as long as you can pay the price,
you could go any where!

À bientôt!

Today has taught me: I really should probably unpack as soon as I get back, and I really should probably pack before the day before. But I know that I really probably won't ever manage to do either of those things, and if there's an option, I will always procrastinate.

On the jukebox: 5ive ~ Don't Wanna Let You Go

Cabin Fever

Today, I have done the same as every day.

It's not even ten o'clock. Already I have begun the tireless cycle that is my life of the moment: do work? do nothing? do work! do nothing...do work? do nothing! do nothing? do work! do work, do nothing, do nothing, do work! Talk about doing nothing, talk about doing work, talk about love, life, dirty dishes and dishing the dirt. There's nowhere to go. A walk seems pointless - to uni? to town? I just want to wander without purpose. But there's no place for that, need to go somewhere, need to do something. Constantly diverted along the road of procrastination: destination unknown.

*bounces off the walls*

On the jukebox: Newton Faulkner ~ Uncomfortably Slow

Eyes Open

Today, I have a poor sleeping pattern.

It is 3am. I am awake. There are a few things that I cannot work without. One of those is sleep. It might be suggested that few people are fully functioning on less than a sensible amount of sleep, but I have reason to believe that I'm particulary bad in this sort of circumstance. Ask anyone who's had the misfortune of encountering me in the lab after a night out. Less than the required 7-8 hours or so, and the effects show quite obviously. To be blunt, I'm a cranky bitch. It's one of those things I try to hide if possible, or at least minimise the effects. So, perhaps, it's a silly idea for me to turn on the computer at 3am. Maybe, it's a silly idea to mainline caffeine and forget to eat properly. It's probably a silly idea to continue to go to bed at silly hours and get up too late, it sets off a cycle that's hard to break. Studying productivity tends to slow once it gets dark, so therefore this limits my window of working hours considerably. I haven't got the panic yet. Exams start in less than a week.

I wish I could go for a walk. I need to get out. I need to sleep.

I lie awake, it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought
You'd hear me

On the jukebox: Anna Nalick ~ Breathe (2am)

Curtain Twitcher

Today, I have been window watching.

Sitting uncomfortably on a cheap wooden chair watching the world outside my window, my observations of the day are as follows:

• Three sets of people walking with erect umbrellas, even though I've been sitting here all morning, and there hasn't been a drop of rain. Maybe it's coming this way soon.
• The black cat that lives next-door.
  
• A couple I observed leaving on Thursday evening, with three suitcases between them, arriving back on the Monday morning.
• A person doing arm exercises as he walked along, holding a full bottle of water in one hand.
• Two pigeons scrapping. Maybe they were a married couple.
• Two young boys riding their bikes round and down and up and down the street.
  
• Two student boys throwing a rugby ball across and up and down the street.
  
• Tesco van unload the goods next-door-but-one.
  
• Boxer boy. This time fully clothed.
• Countless people walking by.
  
• A wasp. Hello, Summer.

It has also occured to me that over the weekend, I have seen more of my opposite-door neighbours than I have of my own-door housemates. I don't even know their names. This possibly makes me seem like a bit of a stalker, but in my defence, there's not much else to focus on, when you're sitting at a desk in front of a window you can't help but look out of it!

It feels like it's 5pm. It's not. Bang! Goodbye, Productive Bank Holiday Weekend.

spin me round again and rub my eyes

On the jukebox: Imogen Heap ~ Hide and Seek

Self Discipline

Today, I have tried to find a routine.

Routine is necessary for me to function effectively, I find it hard to know what to do with myself when I'm not being directed in some respect. It's part of growing up, I suppose, to be able to be successful, you need to be able to manage. Manage people, manage money, mangage time. Work out a way in which you can work most effectively in order to get the most out of whatever you do. Wasting time is unnecessary, if only you can organise your time appropriately, there would never be need to lose vital minutes. It is rare the case that I don't have the time for something, more that I haven't made the time for it. It'd be possible to get at least four or five times as much done if I was in any way efficient. A main part of the problem is motivation. If the motivation is severely lacking, it's approximately 72.4% harder to achieve anything worthwhile, ergo when even a tiny step is made towards success of a certain kind, the reward felt in overcoming only one small obstacle is hugely disproportionate to the achievement and in turn, hinders any further progress.

On the jukebox: Dashboard Confessional ~ So Long, So Long

Colourful Collection

Today, I have attended to my inner child.

As I am entirely unorginal in my thought processes, the only option is to take inspiration from other people. After reading this entry about collecting things, I was reminded of another type of item I used to collect when I was younger - hair accessories. Well, I'd collect them in the same sense that I collect earrings - I used to wear them a lot, so it was fun to have a lot to wear. I was the girl with the crazy hair.

Now I'm just the crazy girl.

On the jukebox: Devon Frieder ~ Part Of Your World

Sleepy Sameday

Today, I have lost track of days.

What are you doing for the bank holiday weekend?

To be honest, I completely forgot that it was bank holiday weekend. Given that it makes little difference to me whether its bank holiday or not, that's hardly surprising. Every day seems the same, just colours bleeding into one, they haven't got a name.

Weekends used to be a chance to dance freely within the rigid confines and deadlines of the week day routine. Since official teaching finished, I just don't know what to do with myself. Revision is one of the most monotonous activities ever and while there is still enough time to turn things around, the lack of motivation is a serious hindrance to achieving anything.

On the jukebox: KT Tunstall ~ False Alarm

Nearly Naked

Today, I have seen boys in boxers.

Partly as a result of this post, I have begun to notice unexpected almost-naked encounters more often. One of the boys in the house opposite has just popped out for the third time, wearing only boxers, to put something in the rubbish bin. What is so urgent, on a Saturday afternoon, that you can't afford to put on some clothes before venturing outside to put something in the bin? Three separate times!? Do you not have a bin inside? Is there some incriminating evidence you wish to get rid of? Do you just want to show off your manly assets to the girl in the window above, or indeed, anyone who happened to be passing?

It's one thing to be faced with a couple of breasts in the kitchen, to cross paths with a boy in boxers on the way to the bathroom, or to have the door answered by a friend wearing only underwear, they're all things I take in my stride with no surprise. Hell, I've even got used to streaking down the street after dark or finding strangers asleep on the sofa as normal aspects of student activity, so perhaps a ten second glimpse of a next-to-naked neighbour needn't be comment-worthy.

They were quite nice boxers, after all.

On the jukebox: Jack Johnson ~ Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Wink Wonder

Today, I have winked with one eye only.

There is no other option for me, I am a freak of nature as I cannot physically wink my right eye. Everyone else in my family can do it, almost everyone in my lab class can do it, and everyone else I've found so far in the world wide web can do it. Until this came up as a recent topic of conversation, I had no idea that I was in the minority in my disability.

Can you wink your left and right eye individually?

On the jukebox: Chesney Hawkes ~ The One And Only

Delicate Digits

Today, I have painted my nails.

It's a means of polishing up on procrastination skills. Purposefully creating a situation whereby I can't possibly involve the use of my fingers for anything for at least a couple of hours or so is an excellent excuse for not achieving any work. Plus, they look pretty in pink and makes me feel all giggly and girly and young and fun.

Also, I won't be splashing my hands in acetone anytime soon, which means they might last longer than a day! I don't paint my nails very often, but I like the feminine appeal it has. Makes me feel dressed up even when I'm wearing man clothes.

Paint your nails,
Paint your face,
Paint around the empty space.

On the jukebox: Curtis Stigers ~ To Be Loved