Grown Up

Today, I have been mature.

Maturity? Really, when it comes down to it, age is a minor factor.

Relationships. Perhaps one of the more important aspects that separate the naive from the world weary. Having to cope with the strains of a genuine long term relationship is a proper grown-up thing to go through. Making it work is hard enough, breaking it up may be even more difficult. But you live, you learn, you grow up eh? (I'll quit the relentless relationship blogchat at some point, I swear...)

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t.

Independence. That's a main one, isn't it? Being grown up is mainly about being independent, coping on your own, having to sort out your own life. Someone who has had a job from the age of 14, find their own way, had to manage their own money, drive their own car - who doesn't have the Bank of Parent to hand out free cash withdrawals when needed or Daddy's Taxi to call on anytime of night or day - could be seen to be more functionally mature than someone who has always had help at hand, if required.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Experience. What you've done, where you've been, who you are, what you've faced and what you've had to deal with, in comparison to the average person. Whether it's choosing or being forced to go down a particular route or take a risk, make a particularly difficult decision at some point - the knowledge and wisedom that accumulate from having been through those incidents can count for a lot in defining the type of person you are.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

Emotional Intelligence. Part of growing up is learning how your actions affect other people, discovering empathy and being able to put yourself in someone else's position. The ability to suggest and implicate workable solutions to emotional difficulties of your own, or other people's. To have the sense to listen when required, and the presence of mind to be able to understand. I feel this is maybe the one which makes the most difference. Emotional maturity can arise from coping with the more practical aspects of growing up, but in the end, this is what truly separates the juveniles from the rest.

Respect your elders.

Mature isn't about being staid and dullsome. You can be mature and have fun. You can be mature, yet still have moments of child-like wonder and simple unadulterated amusement without comprimising the essence of being "grown up". You can be mature and still dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. It's about the right time and place, and the fact that while there's a part of you that will jump on the bed underneath glow in the dark stars, or leave the house wearing fairy wings and bunny ears, that part of you doesn't wholly represent your character and there's more to you than peas-in-a-pod earrings and velcro shoes.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

On the jukebox: The Courteeners ~ Not Nineteen Forever