Bleak Midwinter

It has been over six months since I discovered my degree result. 

I am looking at the graduate opportunities in New Scientist and I can’t convince myself that I am capable of any of the proposed careers. I narrowly escaped failing my Masters project. I mean, actually failing, not just scraping by on less than a second class degree. So how could I possibly believe that I could achieve in a scientific-based job, or anything else, for that matter? I honestly do not consider myself good enough and so the thought of merely applying chills me to the bones and increases my heart rate to an alarming level.

So, I stick my head in the sand.

LHR SIN

Ten o’clock in the morning.

The ice sticks on the ground

white streets; mud-tainted

Silence.

Crawling along roads with fear

It’s risky at this time of year.

Half past eight in the evening.

People stuck in queues, crowds

hot tea; tired eyes

Waiting.

All flights subject to delay

Christmas is just another day.

Snow, snow, go away...
Flitterbox: Coldplay ~ Christmas Lights

Pooh Sticks

"When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Friday, I sat up for a long while with a boy and a beer and we chatted about cake and earrings and other Nice Things. I was sad and he was friendly and we talked in a way we hadn't before. We talked in a way we haven't since then and I'm not sure we ever will again. For shame

Shower Power

You know, how in movies and dramas and that, they'll have this poignant scene with someone in the shower, just sitting, staring into space or whatever? And they're probably clinically insane or have just killed someone or something, so you think, well no-one really does that, do they? But you know, it's oddly comforting in a weird way.

Online Exploration

"Imagine you're exchanging emails with a guy online, and he seems really funny and charismatic and you feel like you click, then you meet up for a date and he speaks like...he has special needs"

A friend on her first foray into internet dating. It's funny, because her account of the date began with this sentence and I can completely relate to the first part of it. I know what it's like to speak to people online who appear witty and chatty and clever...I just haven't had the opportunity to see whether that transpires to reality and whether I would receive the same surprise in person.

Chocolate Lab

Imagine you work in a chocolate shop.

It's a wonderful, cosy hove of tasty treasures, stocked to the brim with exquisite home-made treats of all sorts. It's a cushy job, you know, the chocolatier allows to have anything you desire from the shop. In fact, you needn't even ask, if you want to try something, you can, whatever the delicacy, whatever the price. You feel privileged that you're in such a position, to have this opportunity, after all, plenty would pay big bucks to just have a taste of such delectable confectionery and you get your pick of the lot, without paying a penny?!

Indeed, you are such a lucky, lucky person.

Forbidden Fruit

There's something awfully attractive about a someone that you can't or shouldn't have.

Pursuing that person can be wicked and cruel, not to mention a cause for tortured souls, but ultimately that is what is so delightful about it. Much of what is so deliciously exciting is the purely illicit nature. Maybe a smidgen of schadenfreude, but more than that is the sense of superiority and control over another person, even if it's not strictly in anyone's best interest. The knowledge that one has the ability to draw the favourable specimen away from its chosen prey and lure the object of desire to a focus elsewhere offers a sort of rush that is hard to rationalise. That you must be worth the potential risk, in some respect, for something to happen in the first place. Everyone loves to be in on a good bit of gossip, and to be at the core of a secret is the most exhilarating part of it. Teetering on the edge of being discovered, that tantalising mystery that surrounds every encounter creates a bittersweet taste that is hard to resist.

It's difficult to admit the challenge of the pursuit is what you like most.

Snow Patrol

I'm snow excited.

I have got packing down to a fine art...well, almost. I still do the panic shove-it-in-just-case part ("...what if I can't live without this particular pair of leggings for three whole days!?"), but I'm getting better. This is what comes from flitting away every other week or fortnight or so. I am set up for an awesome couple of months, with music and mates and staying out late and other such stuff that I've been so bereft of lately. Snow or no snow, I are go, whatever the weather and I'm crossing all my fingers for no travel disruptions and smooth operations. It's pretty but when all your friends and things live so far away and you're planning trips that cost a fair bit of money and effort, you kind of hope that a bit of frozen water doesn't completely devastate your endeavours. In contrast with last weekend, once I arrive, I'll be spending most of the time in a cosy countryside manor, with mulled wine and mince pies and piano-playing and a three course "rustic autumn" themed meal which sounds absolutely wonderful and all home-made so that's fantastic. We'll meet, we'll reminisce, we'll hug and maybe we'll kiss and that'll open up a whole other can of fish. Delish.

Who knows? Let it go its own way. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Flitterbox: David Bowie ~ Let's Dance