Loner Loser

Today, I have been unsociable.

The last few days have provided a dawning of realisation. After a month of being apart, I have little to say to the majority of my housemates. There is one I get on with, to the extent of having a more than a perfunctory conversation, but otherwise, I keep myself to myself. Research has shown this is not due to lack of confidence, or lack of options, merely a lack of desire - I could be more involved, I just don't want to be.

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.
~ Mary Sarton

It saddens me, that I have only one true friend at university. There is only one person who I would genuinely choose to want to spend time with on a one-to-one, or even in a group; there is only one person who I feel I would want to actually go out with. Of course, there are other people I talk to, other friends. But as much as it is ill-advised to have only one best friend, that appears to be the type of person I am. It's such an effort to be coping with the social whirlpool of getting to know everyone, catching up, bubbling about with a hug, kiss, how've you been? It's fun initially, and opens opportunities, but at the end of the day, I don't like wasting my time on people with whom I don't particulary click. Perhaps it's selfish; perhaps it's the nature of the bitch. Perhaps that's why I am always alone.

Exams start in a month.

On the jukebox: Bugsy Malone ~ My Name Is Tallulah