Sticky Situations

Today, I have tread through tangled thoughts. 

"You spend a lot of time together, you obviously get on well"

"Are they going out?"

"Let's face the facts - you just match, you know it makes sense"

It's annoying. Because anything that might have been is tainted by the constant intercession of spectators. No, we're not going out, no, we can't spend a minute alone without you speculating wildly and so we never get any chance to even see if anything might progress, and it becomes embarrasing. And then I feel even worse if anything doesn't, because everyone's lead me to believe it was true. 

"I've always though there was something going on between you"

"Are they going out?"

"Obviously, you must speak outside of what we see"

"You do like him, I can tell"

You don't know. Stop, stop, stop. Because it makes it even less likely, and is just getting hopes up unnecessarily because when you talk that way, he thinks that I think like that and then backs away, slowly, 'cause there's nothing worse than someone who obsesses in such a manner. Then I overcompensate and it all ends up in a big fat mess of wasted words, or worse, a big fat balloon of empty air. 

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"You and he are getting awfully close"

"Are they going out?"

*push, push, nudge, shove, wink, drink*

It's fun to be the centre of attention. But when rumours spread far and fast and the only gossip worth knowing concerns you, it can tend to grate a little and poison any chance of further interaction for fear that it'll be all you hear about for the next few weeks with added exaggerations that you can't control. 

Well, I'm not saying I don't do my bit to initiate and fuel the fire. But boy, how it messes up the mind. People can lead you to believe things which simply aren't true, just by suggestion, or repetition. Flattery is a big part of it, and while I could let it be at that, my mind wanders to the truth I could fantasise, and it builds up to something which no-one can see, which isn't real, but seems so plausible in my head. It may be a bit of harmless banter at first, but I tend to overestimate and overcomplicate situations such as this, and once an idea has been planted in my head, it stays there for a long time. 

Maybe I'm not making much sense. I just wish I didn't screw things up so readily and could calm the hot-headed rushed desire to run away at the first sign of a new possibility. Argh. I'm just pissed off with the intangible tangle of thoughts tauntingly travelling round and round the merry-go-round in my head. I'm annoyed. And when I get this annoyed, it's probably a sign that I should do some work, or see somebody, or or just stop overthinking stupid things and do something about it.

On the jukebox: Kelly Clarkson ~ Walk Away