Uncomfortable Encounters

Today, I have spoken to all of my housemates.

Largely only in passing. It's incredibly rare for us to all be in the house together, let alone the same room. It hasn't been a bad year living together, but it hasn't been a particulary fun one. It's come to the point when I actually want to leave the room when one of them enters, just because I'd prefer to be alone rather than spend a minute in their company. I know it's my problem, I don't want to make the effort, I fuel the awkwardness. It's just slightly weird, because we don't really get on with each other as friends, if I didn't live with them, I wouldn't particulary have the desire to meet up with them. We don't have much in common is a cliché, because that's not really the reason we don't get on, we're just different kinds of people.

Households are often considered as units, it's not impossible to socialise outside of them, but it's a lot harder, especially when you don't all have mutual friends. Living with people, it's bound to be that you know them better, probably consider them your better friends or at least the ones you've known the longest. When that's not the case, it can be intimiating trying to infiltrate another household, because at the end of the day, when they all go to bed, or don't want to socialise for a bit, you'll have to make your way home alone. It's hard, showing up to a party by yourself, even if you know quite a few of the people there, even if you'll still be able to talk to people you don't know. Feeling like a bit of an outsider because they were all in halls together last year, or because they spend all their time together now, and so you can't possibly compete with how well you know them and it would take a lot of effort to try to get to the same comfortable companionship level.

Essentially, this means that often, if I want to go out, it would have to be with housemates. Housemates who will, undoubtedly, go out and spend the whole evening looking for someone to pull. If they find someone, they will immediately dump the rest of the party, who will continue to search for their own piece of meat. If they don't get lucky, they will get grumpy and as ever, will not be much fun to be with. Every time, I really have to try to psych myself up to spend time with these people, I count up the number of incidents that make the night worthwhile - the conversation with the Canadian taxi driver, the flattery aspect of having someone pay for a drink, the impromptu compliments (which are really code for I want to sleep with you, but let's ignore that minor detail), the crazy dancing like no-one's watching, the unexpected encounter of an aquaintance, the meeting of random students in the kebab shop, people completely off their face but utterly delightful with it. I have to mentally take a hold of these small moments, so I can try to ignore how my 'friends' acted the whole evening, to try to remind myself of reasons why it might not be so bad to go out with my housemates every once in a while.

As was mentioned on a comment in a previous entry - I don't regret going, but I don't think I'd regret not going, either. More often than not, when the night is over, I'm glad I went through with it, but I'm even more glad that it is over.

I'm not going out tonight.

So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside

On the jukebox: Frank Turner ~ Reasons Not To Be An Idiot - bought this today :oD