Often, I find myself in these conflicts of interests regarding social situations. Do I want to go because I want to go? Do I want to go because I feel like I should? Do I want to go because if I don't it's just another wasted opportunity of youth and a step towards an isolated life?
Do I need to stop thinking things over so much? Yes.
Oooohww. I don't want to meet up with someone, but I feel like I should. They're only going to be in the city for the weekend, so I really should. Even though we haven't spoken properly since last time we saw each other, we keep in touch, but email just isn't the same! There's approximately one thing that we have in common - we both studied the same subject at the same university simultaneously, although at separate levels. We've only crossed paths a handful of times since our first encounter, and to be honest, I don't really get why it has been suggested that we meet up after over a year of not seeing each other. It's going to be awkward, isn't it?
"Maybe we could go for a coffee or something?"
I know, it's just a turn of phrase, it doesn't need to be taken literally, it's just a vague way of saying "hey, let's meet up sometime" but this suggestion has been poised to me three times in the past two weeks and my immediate reaction is:
1. I don't drink coffee.
2. I'm not American.
3. You don't actually want to meet up with me, do you?
On the jukebox: David Sneddon ~ Stop Living The Lie
Do I need to stop thinking things over so much? Yes.
Oooohww. I don't want to meet up with someone, but I feel like I should. They're only going to be in the city for the weekend, so I really should. Even though we haven't spoken properly since last time we saw each other, we keep in touch, but email just isn't the same! There's approximately one thing that we have in common - we both studied the same subject at the same university simultaneously, although at separate levels. We've only crossed paths a handful of times since our first encounter, and to be honest, I don't really get why it has been suggested that we meet up after over a year of not seeing each other. It's going to be awkward, isn't it?
"Maybe we could go for a coffee or something?"
I know, it's just a turn of phrase, it doesn't need to be taken literally, it's just a vague way of saying "hey, let's meet up sometime" but this suggestion has been poised to me three times in the past two weeks and my immediate reaction is:
1. I don't drink coffee.
2. I'm not American.
3. You don't actually want to meet up with me, do you?
On the jukebox: David Sneddon ~ Stop Living The Lie
Just do it! What you got to lose? (other than an hour or so of time)
ReplyDeleteAnd why's coffee American? Before tea was introduced to Britain, coffee houses were seen as places for intellectuals to meet up and talk about "stuff" (iirc, natch).
I usually use that exact turn of phrase when I want to keep the friendship going but don't quite have the bravery to really meet up with someone. 'Coffee sometime' sounds nice and friendly but is also easily ignored. The other person may well even be relieved if you don't go!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, it's a pretty low pressure 'is-it-worth-me-still-talking-to-you' scenario and as Dickie said, 'what you got to lose'?
If it's easy to go and you can easily leave, then yes, do it.
Meanwhile, what's 'iirc'?!
iirc = if I remember correctly.
ReplyDelete1.Why American?
ReplyDelete2. I agree, what've you got to lose? Plus, you might yet enjoy it. Maybe you have other stuff in common, this is your chance to find out! =)
3. I don't mind at all, I'm honoured you added me to your Blog List. =D
Americans, yu know, they're all "let's go grab a cwoffee" and Starbucks et al is all Americanish. Either that or like, a sip on the side of the Seine or in a dear little Italian place on the corner street. It just doesn't seem British to be like "fancy coming in/going out/meeting up for a coffee?" Maybe cos I don't drink coffee, maybe because it seems like a generic expected request, rather than genuine intention to meet up. I'd say I'd be pretty sure the other person wouldn't necessarily want me to take up the offer, it may be out of politeness, I just find it hard to know how to refuse without sounding rude, whilst keeping the option open for further communication? Is it weird to only want to actually talk with someone without ever meeting them (...)?
ReplyDeleteIt just seems to be more effort than it's worth. Like I could be all, "yeah, that sounds cool, I'm free this weekend, when do you want to meet?" and then there's the issue of organising something that neither of us really want to do, and not really knowing where to do it, or how long for, or how to get out of it when we've had enough, because we never really had that much in common anyway, we haven't spoken directly in months, and while A LOT has happened in both of our lives, is it really something you want to spend an hour divulging to someone who is, to an appreciable extent, pretty much a stranger?
So why am I still deliberating it? Aside from the fact that I am terrible at making decisions and feel bad for letting them down, again, it's also because I feel it could be useful connection from a networking point of view, like I said, this person has graduated from the same subject that I am currently studying, and you know, that could be a handy contact to have when it comes to later years of my degree and decisions following. But isn't that quite a selfish way of looking at things?
Whoa, blog-style comment alert! I'm sure you're lovin' the extra insight though ;)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry about it being selfish tbh, but I reckon you should still do it, even if you only end up hating it - at least you would've done it and then you wouldn't spend time going "What if I HAD gone to get a coffee with him?" and wondering how tings might've turned out.
ReplyDeleteTake the opportunity, so you don't regret not-taking it.
And you never know, you might click and it could be a springboard for a friendship, and a friend (or even a useful contact) is very good to have.
Hah, return of the headtwin :oP
ReplyDeleteI had the same problem not that long ago. Fact I wrote a blog on it ;o)
Anyway, as someone who has been through a similar ordeal - well that's slightly unfair as I ended up really enjoying myself.
What makes it seem like a generic request? Our of interest, why couldn't it be a geniune offer?
I always find it interesting to note when people avoid mentioning genders, does make me wonder how much one assumes :oD
;o)
Ugh, coffee. Tea's far better.
If you really don't want to go, then don't.
xx
Just let us know which way you jumped!!
ReplyDeleteIt could be great, it could be useful, it could be hateful, but I don't think you'll really regret going; nor will you regret not going.
My aunt's advice is literally if you can't pick, toss a coin -- because you'll konw if the coin has made the right decision by your gut reaction to that choice even if you couldn't just decide for yourself.
But it sounds like you've already made up your mind!
Well, I received a text yesterday asking again. This probably means it's a genuine request. So I have replied with a breezy text "sure, I'm free whenever, like, just let me know!" I'm thinking I'll probably get a phone call or something to talk details, because so far we've avoided mentioning what or where we are actually doing, just that "we should meet up!"
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to say Yes to things more. It's squirmy business.
I did it.
ReplyDelete