Today, I have woken up late.
Seriously. What kind of student thinks that 8 o'clock is a late start? Probably the kind that spent over twelve hours in the library yesterday, and was hoping to achieve the same feat today. What a geek...
I have the panic. The true, heart-stopping fear that when it comes down to it, I won't do as well as I would like. I really want to do well, I really do, and that kind of scares me a little and kind of surprises me a little as in previous years, I haven't cared so much. Exams had seemed so insignificant in the face of everything else that was up with life.
Even now, I get a slight sense of: what's the point?
On the jukebox: School of Seven Bells ~ Half Asleep
Seriously. What kind of student thinks that 8 o'clock is a late start? Probably the kind that spent over twelve hours in the library yesterday, and was hoping to achieve the same feat today. What a geek...
I have the panic. The true, heart-stopping fear that when it comes down to it, I won't do as well as I would like. I really want to do well, I really do, and that kind of scares me a little and kind of surprises me a little as in previous years, I haven't cared so much. Exams had seemed so insignificant in the face of everything else that was up with life.
Even now, I get a slight sense of: what's the point?
But the show must go on, assessment is imminent and the endless notes of half a year's work is staring me in the face and it's all I can do not to stare into space instead of focussing on the task in hand. Oh, I know that it doesn't mean that much in the scheme of things and such and I know ultimately, I will do well enough and if I were to panic about anything, it should be the fact that I barely have anything to put on my curriculum vitae besides the shining examples of my grades of the past five years. And "in the current economic climate", that just won't be enough. But since it's a bit too late to change that at the moment, I have to worry about this instead.
Exams start in a week.
On the jukebox: School of Seven Bells ~ Half Asleep
Pffft, nerd.
ReplyDeleteI like libraries. Well, I haven't actually set foot in one for about a year (and even then not to hire or read a book), but my fondness of libraries always remains. When I was a little boy my Mum used to take me to the local building regularly, and even though I never actually used it during school proper I did frequently pop into the (smaller) one at school itself. There was an arrangement made that whenever a migraine came on I would go there and read a book quietly. Never read so much in all my life! It also made a change - just being in the quiet and feeling much more safe and reassured. In a way it felt more of a mature, adult area.
I even like the smell of libraries. The paper from the books and the general 'old' feeling the entire area gives off. I don't know. I suppose in a way it's comforting. You know when you visit an older relative and there's that stale biscuit smell? Like that only... more pleasant, hah. Instead of digestives it would be the superior CHOCOLATE digestives (...it's at that point I am starting to lose my way).
The one thing I wish is that the Rothwell library updated their fucking Windows 98 machines. Give me strength.
I (remember when you used to point out how many paragraphs I write start with "I"?) don't think you should worry as much about doing as well as you'd like. It's probably very easy of me to say that, being that I've never really had that pressure, but in all honesty what more can you do? Do what you do and accept what comes of it. I know in the future you want to have a decent paying, secure job (?), but there really is more to life than just studying and passing exams. Whatevs, I'm not going to talk about this any further though because I'm just too old to bother. lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
It's the weekend. For you I don't know what this means, for me it equals sleeping until a stupid time and then hoping Monday takes longer than usual to come around. There's entertainment for ya.
Ever thought of writing a blog, Adam?
ReplyDelete:D
I just have. The fact it's in the comments section of YOUR blog is neither here nor there ;)
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