What a wonderful weekend.
It snowed and so we went to a butterfly farm!!! From sub-zero to sub-tropical temperatures in an instant, surrounded by fantastic colours and creatures. Amazing! Then we ate a divine meal at lovely restaurant and popped into a music shop, where my presence was completely legitimised by my drum-playing companion, and I could secretly check out the plectrum collection for further earring creations and wonder whether I should pick up my instrument again and re-learn the fingers so I can play songs from a few of my favourite things. The cold weather guided us towards tea for two and hot cake in the afternoon like proper posh peoples, innit darhlin'. After painting nails, a few slices of pizza and planning a trip abroad, we dressed up and ventured out and spoke in faux accents and downed shots of tropical cocktail, poured from a teapot. It was fabulous and we made a toast with each sip in a kind of Thanksgiving way, whilst commenting on any groups or individuals that fell in our eyeline. Clink, clink, drink, drink, wink, wink. Then we danced and laughed and fist-pumped and jumped about until it was time to go home. It was ace and sadly served to confirm my feelings that boy and girl can not just be friends in the way that girl and girl are Just Friends.
But maybe that's okay.
It snowed and so we went to a butterfly farm!!! From sub-zero to sub-tropical temperatures in an instant, surrounded by fantastic colours and creatures. Amazing! Then we ate a divine meal at lovely restaurant and popped into a music shop, where my presence was completely legitimised by my drum-playing companion, and I could secretly check out the plectrum collection for further earring creations and wonder whether I should pick up my instrument again and re-learn the fingers so I can play songs from a few of my favourite things. The cold weather guided us towards tea for two and hot cake in the afternoon like proper posh peoples, innit darhlin'. After painting nails, a few slices of pizza and planning a trip abroad, we dressed up and ventured out and spoke in faux accents and downed shots of tropical cocktail, poured from a teapot. It was fabulous and we made a toast with each sip in a kind of Thanksgiving way, whilst commenting on any groups or individuals that fell in our eyeline. Clink, clink, drink, drink, wink, wink. Then we danced and laughed and fist-pumped and jumped about until it was time to go home. It was ace and sadly served to confirm my feelings that boy and girl can not just be friends in the way that girl and girl are Just Friends.
But maybe that's okay.
Flitterbox: Razorlight ~ Vice
You must be too attractive, it can totally work in the way girl and girl does.
ReplyDelete:-D Sounds like a weekend perfectly tailored for you.
ReplyDeleteI have girl friends and guy friends (and have dated both genders) alike, but then again, I suppose my culture is a bit different when it comes to those things.
ReplyDeleteSounds like an amazing weekend, darhlin' :D
I have to admit that I agree with teacherface on this one.
ReplyDeleteSounds like an amazing time nonetheless :-)
YES, it let me comment!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I'm far from irresistible.
ReplyDeleteI have girl friends and I have guy friends but I can't quite conceive a situation where all the above and more would happen with a straight guy on a frequent basis and it not be considered/hoped to be, or to become, a dating-type scenario, at least from one side.
I suppose it's the one-on-one closeness thing I can't quite get my head 'round. I'm not saying it's not possible or indeed, just as much fun, it's more that I can't imagine myself in that scene, especially if I or he were seeing someone else at the time, and honestly, I wish I knew how to make it work as such without getting tangled up in feelings or expectations. Any tips?
Maybe not something as intense/ drawn out as the above scenario. Possibly. I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI just know that I've never had a particular problem with being friends with guys, and as far as I know, they haven't had a problem being friends with me either. Maybe I'm just inherently unattractive, but I suppose that I approach the situation with the assumption that nothing's going on until I learn to the contrary. The downside of that was never seeing anyone as having dating potential.
A friend who I had a pretty major thing for (unreciprocated) and I have recovered our platonic friendship to the point that I've stayed at his house when down in that neck of the woods, gone to films with him, gone to the pub etc., just two of us together. And yes, that's since the advent of J. So it is possible, even if we (I) had to go through a bit of angst to get there.
I have to say I have more guy friends than girl friends and I am a straight passably attractive woman (well, so I think...). I worry that sometimes the men in question want rather more than I want from them, is the only problem, but actually, most of the time this isn't the case at all. And these days, most of my friends, male and female, already have a partner who isn't me, so that's all OK. I can more easily spending a whole weeken with one of my entirely platonic male friends than with any of my girl friends - and that's not just A, either.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm just bad at boys and that's just me and that's okay because you know, girls can be good too.
ReplyDeleteOut of interest, Flix, did you go to a girls school or a mixed school?
ReplyDeleteI went to a mixed school, but it was fairly girl-heavy. I've not shared a house with guys at uni, though I was in mixed accommodation in first year. My final year was spent almost exclusively in the company of males, with a handful of exceptions.
ReplyDeleteI get along with guys but I suppose I just feel more comfortable with girls, as a general rule. Like I said, I'm not saying it's not possible, it's just I've not really had a particularly close guy friend (i.e. we have sleepovers and talk on the phone regularly for hours and go away for weekends together and there's absolutely nothing going on otherwise) just as I know some girls who have never really had a close friendgirl. I'm not really sure why that is and maybe it does hark back to my childhood but I can only speak from my experiences.
I notice no guys have commented on this topic. Hah.
Oi!
ReplyDeleteYou didn't comment on the topic Phillup :-p
ReplyDeleteokayokay, well you already know many of my thoughts on this.
ReplyDeleteI've always got on with girls better than boys. It's something that has led to a lot of sexual frustration for having feelings I shouldn't/are pointless having, it's led to a lot of keys cut to the just friends storage cupboard and a fair few assumptions I'm gay.
I have, however, spent a night dancing and having an ace weekend with a group of awesome girls without wanting more, though.
Naturally, all lads who heard of this that weren't connected to that social group were disappointed/disgusted that I didn't 'get' with any of them. I mean, that's what dancing's for, yeah? sigh.
Fuckit, it was a great weekend. Little too much talk of penises for my liking, but I'm sure when the ratio is 5:1 the other way, girls have to put up with similar gripes. And a generally less fragrant place to wake up.
So it's possible, but rare. General consensus for 1:1 nights out/weekends away with the opposite sex are even more inclined towards "Ooh, something going on there". It's up to you and the ':1' how much you let that effect you.
My best friend was a girl. I say was not because something negative happened, but simply because her life is going in all kinds of awesome directions. The fact she has less time for me stings a little, but is utterly justified because I'm sure I and you would be the same. She's getting married and has a very busy work life.
But for years we would talk on the phone, the connection was clear at every meetup with uni mates. People have speculated at my feelings towards her, I've had to consider it myself, it would have made a lot of sense, but when I met her she was in a relationship that lasted all through uni. I never considered it. With someone else = no go. (negated if other half is an utter arsehole. Why do they stay, people? WHY DO THEY STAY!!?!?!). This continued after uni and has done for as long as I've known her.
The thought of a night like yours? It would have to be more tailored to our individual likes, but it's possible. Not sure about the dancing, though. [generalisation mode on:] Dancing is a different thing for guys. It's less about free abandon and fun and more about coupling, romance and sexysex. Fewer of us enjoy dancing. Plenty of us do, and can without needing to try and 'pull', but there's a bigger emphasis(expectation/stigma?) on prowling for a target.
Thanks to certain gigs and a hard house night where I was probably the only one not on some form of drug, I've experienced how fun dancing can be as freedom. Fun. No external or internal pressure on me to 'pull' or unrequited feelings.
I think I'm more capable of this than most guys. I'd like to think that's an arrogant statement, but sadly, that's down to my master key for all girls' just friends cupboard. But in that situation, unless it was someone I was as comfortable with as the girl I mentioned above, I would be made slightly uncomfortable with other people's perceptions and questioning my own motives. We're all pretty paranoid creatures, however much self-confidence we believe we have and outwardly project, and these 1:1 situations could affect the best of us, slightly sullying the event.
Also, though, I hope you don't always see the crappy lining to an otherwise awesome cloud. You had an awesome weekend. Fuck 'sadly served to confirm'.
It is okay.
And maybe I shouldn't comment on topics. Especially when I'm going hypoglycaemic! WHEEE!
"I approach the situation with the assumption that nothing's going on until I learn to the contrary. The downside of that was never seeing anyone as having dating potential."
ReplyDeleteI don't know. See, I think I do this, all "chum chum, boy, girl, no matter, chum chum" but I probably in actuality don't really because I'm probably quite a flirt and that's only okay if the person knows it's just joshin'. Either that or it's "flirt, flirt, boy, girl, no matter, flirt, flirt" and with girls it's okay to go "on dates" or to be "girlfriends" or hold hands or spoon on the sofa and it totally not mean anything sexual at all. Wait, whut? Yeah. Anyway...
To be honest, this blog entry was more about the wonder of the weekend I had, and less about the significance of the final sentence, but sometimes you have no control over the way comments tend :P There was no crappy lining, it is awesome having days like these and it's good to have good friends, whatever the gender.
Having said that, I do believe that guys see things differently to girls and maybe possibly perhaps that girls find it easier to be Just Friends/not kind of secretly maybe want to sex with a guy than maybe perhaps possibly vice versa. This must be true cos I read it in More magazine.
And like suffice said, even if there wasn't ever, is not now and never shall be, the opinions of other people upon observing the event can be enough to sully the friendly sentiment, or at least make you wonder if you/they could feel something more...and in many cases that I've known (not just with me personally), it turns out to be true, one way or another.
Whether that is or can be acted upon, is another matter entirely.
YAY!
ReplyDeletePart of what I wrote was actually relevant!!!!
Apologies, sugar has not been nice to me today.
I totally thought you were calling me sugar. What a difference a comma makes.
ReplyDeleteYou're always good to me, sugar. x
ReplyDeleteOh puke.
ReplyDelete