As a means of losing weight, I fully recommend the Master Plan. It costs upward of £3,000 for the course, but could lose you a dress size (or two!) with little to no conscious strive to reach the end result. Firstly, there is a preparative part, lasting around six months, involving increasing stress levels and perpetual anxiety. This ensures that your heart speed is racing way above a normal level, consequently you burn energy more readily, as you find that you are in a heightened state of fear most of the time. Nerves shed pounds, don't forget! There is likely to be unpleasant emotional side effects, but it's totally worth it to shift that weight, right?! Combine the above with two brisk half hour walks each day, as well as keeping on your feet for most time in between, and you'll end up with inches disappearing all over the body (including boobs, unfortunately, but you can't have it all...)
The last part of the diet lasts around a month and consists of a daily dollop of stress and not much else. You are so focussed on other activities that you don't have time to cook and you just kind of forget that eating is sort of necessary to survive, or simply have lost your appetite, meaning that the mere idea of food makes you feel a little bit sick. Of course, this may be confused with the churning feeling in the pit of your gut due to concern about how little time you have and how much you have to do, but either way, the eventual aim is achieved - you consume fewer calories. If you're lucky, you may also have the stress affect your bowels, a quick and effective way to remove nutrition from your body with minimal effort. This may result in you feeling constantly drained and generally not very well in yourself, but have you noticed how flat your stomach looks when it's not bloated?
And remember, slimmer is winner!
You come out of the diet feeling emotionally exhausted, lethargic, physically worn out and probably relatively ill, but all you need to do is glance in the mirror and you'll be glad of the results. Look at your thighs in that skirt! See how that top skims your belly without so much as bump!? Isn't it wonderful? Don't you wish you looked like me?
The last part of the diet lasts around a month and consists of a daily dollop of stress and not much else. You are so focussed on other activities that you don't have time to cook and you just kind of forget that eating is sort of necessary to survive, or simply have lost your appetite, meaning that the mere idea of food makes you feel a little bit sick. Of course, this may be confused with the churning feeling in the pit of your gut due to concern about how little time you have and how much you have to do, but either way, the eventual aim is achieved - you consume fewer calories. If you're lucky, you may also have the stress affect your bowels, a quick and effective way to remove nutrition from your body with minimal effort. This may result in you feeling constantly drained and generally not very well in yourself, but have you noticed how flat your stomach looks when it's not bloated?
And remember, slimmer is winner!
You come out of the diet feeling emotionally exhausted, lethargic, physically worn out and probably relatively ill, but all you need to do is glance in the mirror and you'll be glad of the results. Look at your thighs in that skirt! See how that top skims your belly without so much as bump!? Isn't it wonderful? Don't you wish you looked like me?
Well, all it takes is a little bit of stress, a few minor mental breakdowns, panic attacks and consistent heart palpitations for months on end, and you too can achieve this look. After all, it doesn't matter that you may have jeopardised your entire degree class or indeed, your future career and you've spent the last year in total turmoil, because oh my gosh, your legs look so thin in those heels! Now, don't you feel fantastic?
On the jukebox: Garbage ~ Bleed Like Me
Everyone's a winner, baby, that's the truth.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it can work the other way round as well. Heard of comfort eating? My belly most certainly has.
ReplyDeleteI always seem to (conveniently) end up getting stressed about something or other just when I've also started to realise I'm putting on weight.
ReplyDeleteHowever I'm at my aunt's at the moment and (uncharacteristically) my response has been the comfort-eating one this time.
Still, enjoy your enviably slender body while it lasts...! And hope now that there's less stress that you can do so :) xxx
Absolutely brilliant diet although my hospital diet was a slightly cheaper option plus you get all the drugs you can handle thrown in for free!
ReplyDeleteThe Masters Diet never worked for me - instead I sat hunched over my desk, furiously typing away whilst consuming packets of biscuits like they were going out of fashion.
And yeah the boob thing does really suck - why have I lost it off them and not off my thighs or stomach?!
I definitely eat healthier when I'm relaxed, not the other way around. When I'm stressed I'll eat whatever is in the cupboard. When I'm relaxed I'll take a 40 minute walk to the grocery store for sushi and fresh produce.
ReplyDeleteFor me the best weight loss was the flu diet. That'll stop your appetite dead in its tracks.
When I'm stressed or sad, even the forty (read: four) minute walk to the shop or getting out a pan to cook pasta seems like too much effort to contemplate and even if I do make something I tend to not want to eat it. It's not better eating, it's just not eating. Maybe this diet isn't the best one to recommend for a healthy lifestyle. Hmm.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the hospital diet and the flu diet are both excellent means of losing weight, however, generally quite short term. This way, I felt rubbish for months on end!
Unfortunately, being subject to a service of a hearty home-cooked meal every evening, along with the reduction in anxiety and stress, has meant I am no longer losing weight. Probably for the best, really.