Today, I have driven a car.
I passed my test a while back, but driving is still scary and I don't currently have, nor really need, my own vehicle so I don't drive all that often, and even less often by myself.
Twist, slide, click, push, switch, pull, turn.
It's weird, driving alone. So quiet! I mean, I know it's what most people do and so are completely used to doing so and once I'm out there it's fine and I won't hurt anybody (hopefully) and my jelly-like left leg will still work effectively as required. I suppose the aspect that concerns me more is being embarrassed rather than being dangerous. Being watched by people while I try to park properly, or stalling at a roundabout just as a rare golden gap in traffic appears. Awkward.
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right.
As with so many things in life, it's about confidence. When you're young, you can rely on other people to instil confidence in you; people tell you that you're doing something right, or well done, good job. I can drive, but I still feel like I need an instructor or willing front-seat passenger to tell me I can do it, that it will be okay. As you get older, it's less likely that people will praise you for the mundane (maybe because it can be seen as patronising or unnecessary?) so you have to pat yourself on the back and reward appropriately. My reward is banana milkshake because I'm five years old.
Look, think, change, choose, look, wait, stop.
Driving is not yet a habit; a task run on auto-pilot. Perhaps at some point in the future, it will become so that I drive from one place to another without even remembering the journey, but I'm not there yet.
Go! Go! Go!
Flitterbook: Going Out ~ Scarlett Thomas
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