Today, I have daydreamed.
I think about you. Not all the time, but often enough. I see you. Someone with your hair, or of your height, and I have to look twice. It's not you. Of course it's not you, you're not here. But I see you. I sit across the table from him as we drink. I admire his arms, his hands. They're not like yours, I know, but I can see the attraction, I can. I do. I come back to thoughts of you. We chat, it's stilted. We flirt, it's subtle. For a while, I thought I wanted you, I did. I do. But I know you don't. Or at least, not enough. And neither do I, not really. But I want to see you, I want to talk to you. We could be friends? We couldn't be together. It wouldn't work, I know. Yes, I had a crush on you and if you turned up one day with thai food and flowers, I'd be surprised, but I'd let you in. Because truly, in my heart of hearts, I believe I will see you, someday.
An idle Tuesday, at four pm, perhaps.
On the jukebox: Electric Light Orchestra ~ Hold On Tight - Accroches-toi a ton rêve
I think about you. Not all the time, but often enough. I see you. Someone with your hair, or of your height, and I have to look twice. It's not you. Of course it's not you, you're not here. But I see you. I sit across the table from him as we drink. I admire his arms, his hands. They're not like yours, I know, but I can see the attraction, I can. I do. I come back to thoughts of you. We chat, it's stilted. We flirt, it's subtle. For a while, I thought I wanted you, I did. I do. But I know you don't. Or at least, not enough. And neither do I, not really. But I want to see you, I want to talk to you. We could be friends? We couldn't be together. It wouldn't work, I know. Yes, I had a crush on you and if you turned up one day with thai food and flowers, I'd be surprised, but I'd let you in. Because truly, in my heart of hearts, I believe I will see you, someday.
An idle Tuesday, at four pm, perhaps.
On the jukebox: Electric Light Orchestra ~ Hold On Tight - Accroches-toi a ton rêve
The title reminds me of this. :-p
ReplyDeleteWow. Yes.
ReplyDeleteI was about to leave a comment on a post which disappeared :-S
ReplyDeleteIt was not really intended to be posted, sorry! I have an annoying tendancy to do that...
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've noticed :-p
ReplyDeleteShould've left it up though. I liked it cos it wasn't as cryptic as usual, which was possibly why I had a comment to post about it :-)
I can't cope with transparency! People might actually like, learn something concrete about me...
ReplyDelete:P
Hehe, true. But sometimes that's fun. Intrigue is always that much stronger though when there's occasionally something concrete :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just me, I'm not really that good at working out the meaning of some of the more vague things you write. I'm sure it's possible to be a little less opaque (but not necessarily completely transparent) and still retain the enigma and elusiveness that you like :-p
Hehe. Yeah, but that's part of the fun. The intrigue is so much stronger if we occasionally learn something concrete :-)
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just me. I'm not very good at interpreting the more vague posts you write. But I'm fairly sure it's possible to be a little less opaque (but not completely transparent), and still maintain the enigma and elusiveness :-p
(I wrote this first and the comment disappeared, so I've left 2 very similar comments please delete one of them...)
Oh, and true to form, I post the second one and the first one shows up. TYPICAL! 8-)
ReplyDeleteLol, and there's me thinking I suddenly got popular with all these new comments :P
ReplyDeleteI don't like saying too much explictly on here because a) I'm very aware how very public it is and b) I'm not very good at sharing, generally. I'm getting better, but I don't find it easy.
Writing a blog and talking through metaphors is a way to release some of the frustration and tears without feel like I'm opening myself up too much. Because people don't always comment and then it feels a bit anti-climatic after building myself up to pour my heart out, only to not be aware if there's even a response...
lol, well I'm sorry to disappoint you then :-p
ReplyDeleteIt's fair enough that you don't want to be too explicit. I'm the same really (as I've mentioned before), and in fact as tempting as it can be I mainly just refrain from writing about Stuff (especially because I know who reads my blog...). When I do mention things, it's probably still possible to at least make a half-decent guess at what I'm getting at though.
I felt more compelled to comment on your now-deleted post (and I understand why you didn't mean to publish it - didn't even start with "Today I have..." :-p) than on the more vague ones because one of the lines resonated with me somewhat. And I would've been surprised if - had you left the post up - more people didn't comment too.
Anyway, as you mention in your newer post, weird thing really this blog lark, innit? Good though :)
For once, the vagueness didn't bother me. It's so inspecific, so effectively what anyone can identify with that it's hard not to remember the last time you felt the same and share the daydream.
ReplyDeleteI am so sad now.
I prefer to believe it's the incisive writing that allows for personal empathy with the words, rather than the generic nature of the entry...
ReplyDelete:P