I don't think I know of many people in a relationship where it hasn't been long distance at some point. It's practically unavoidable in this day and at our age. And it sucks.
However, most people I know are near each other for at least some of their year/time/life, so what do you do when there's the situation where neither of you lives near each other for any time. When you'll always be at least three/six/twenty-four hours away in between the days you're not seeing each other? I mean, what's the point?
How do you even go about starting a relationship with someone who lives a million miles away? How do you do the whole getting to know you without becoming incredibly intense very quickly because you have no option other than to spend the entire weekend/holiday together, because there is no other time otherwise, you have to fit in as much as you can as soon as possible before it goes away again. And it doesn't just apply to relationships, but friendships, too.
All the travelling and planning and constant goodbyes, it wears you down. Is the result really worth it? Is distance really the deal breaker, or is it something else? How can you ever know when you don't have the chance to find out?
Why don't we all just live in little villages and never venture beyond the bordering woods? And then the people you are closest to emotionally coincide with the people closest in proximity. Sure, life would be less interesting, but a lot simpler, too.
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out.
On the jukebox: Chris Isaak ~ Wicked Game
"How can you ever know when you don't have the chance to find out?"
ReplyDeleteAh, yes.
*gazes wistfully into the distance*
I've been there and done that far too many times and I don't ever want to do it again. Effort comes from both sides, and if it's not there from the other side - no matter how hard you try it'll just crumble down around you. It's pretty painful to watch and be entirely helpless.
ReplyDeletea) love the alanis morisette reference there.
ReplyDeleteb) I have often thought that village life - rudimentary schooling, go and work as a servant/on a farm, marry the boy next door - would be a lot simpler, because like you say the people you loved would be the people close by. Although that said for a very long while I was making no new acquaintances but nor was I *interested* in any of the people I did know, so it might not be ideal.
c) this post rang a lot of bells with me. It's a hideously tricky one. Especially that point about intensity - you end up fastforwarding through several emotional years in a matter of months, almost. I merely hope that if the distance kills you as a couple that's a sign that something else would have done anyway, otherwise failed LDRs have a lot of poignant might-have-been potential to them and you will forever wonder. So I try not to wonder.
Potentially highly relevant to me, soon. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteonly for christmas, though, right? I woculd probably rather have a bf here in Uni Town and miss him during the holidays than the other way round, but you don't get to choose who you like or where they live...! Best of luck :) xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm highly intrigued about the stories behind each of these comments.
ReplyDeleteHow much does previous experience have a bearing on future choices? Nipping it in the bud before it has a chance to get ugly? Too slow? Too fast? Too much, too soon? How do you set the boundaries when you've already crossed the line?
@Jenny: I would preferably rather have a bf where we were ever in the same city. At least there's some semblance of normality for some of the time. But when one is hopping all over the place, what is one to do? Nothing is ever simple.
I was going to post another reply here but it's turned in a blog. Love it :-p
ReplyDelete