Today, I have been defined by numbers.
It happens every day, always. The only proof people have of worth is percentages on a sheet of paper; the only way to instantly judge a person's intelligence without knowing them. Opinions can be biased, subjective - intuition can be misjudged.
Numbers are never wrong. They always tell the truth, right? Not so. Perhaps it's true that "you know more than you think you do", if that's the case, how come it is so easy to still feel so incapable?
Perhaps I set my standards too high. That, in essence is what it comes down to - I expect the best. I expect to be able to achieve everything at the highest standard. I expect to be able to win every time, if only I tried a little harder. Disappointment sets in if this aim is not achieved, because I know, I know, always I could do better. This is so very true. Perfectionism seeps so readily into so many aspects of my life.
This somewhat hinders my ability to function normally in society, due to the fact that as a general rule: nobody's perfect. There are no exceptions, only expectations. There is no escape, there is never satisfaction. A constant sense of inadequacy sits within me, with an impossible aim and irrational beliefs, the desire for perfection is never-ending while similtaneously being never achievable.
It's not an advisable way to live your life.
On the jukebox: Alanis Morrisette ~ Perfect
"It's not an advisable way to live your life."
ReplyDeleteAnd the irony is that a perfectionist will see even that as a self-failure in attidude. Trust me, I know!
You place too much on numbers - I think I place too little and I seem somewhat less fazed by grades that I should be. I have a 'meh' approach.
ReplyDeleteIt's not an advisable way to live your life. Where's that elusive happy medium eh? xxx