Chasing Cars

Today, I have chased.

I'm racing around to try to catch a wisp of a ghost. It's utterly ridiculous and I'm disgusted with myself, but I just can't help it. You know, when you're think you're so over it, so past it, so beyond the need to think about it everyday. You know, you think you've got it made.

But then that shadow of the past collides back into your life and it's so much harder to let go again. Because you know you can do it, you know you've gone x months or whatever without it, but then it happens again and it taunts you with flippant gestures that hold more weight than is intended. And you know it's all a bit of banter; disguising the real meaning and disregarding the history, but at the same time, you hope it's more than just that.

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in, winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

So your friends start gossiping, and that's when the real issues start, because it's easier to talk yourself out of it when you believe it's all in your head, a one-sided mess, but when other people start to notice and comment on it, too, well, maybe there's something in it?

No.

Yet still, I'm leaning on a lamp-post at the corner of the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of a grin, a twinkle in the eye. I don't know why, and I wait all day and maybe if I don't look, it might show? Maybe. But maybe that's not so.

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing rainbows?
Even if they lead nowhere.

I like to be in control. I do. I like to be right and I like to win. And if I can't win, I tend to not play at all. But apparantly, the regular rules don't apply for this game. I'm fighting a battle I know, for certain, I can only lose. I'm racing around and around, chasing dreams I know I'll never reach.

But you know, sometimes, it's fun to go for a run.

On the jukebox: The Cardigans ~ My Favourite Game - dear, I fear we're facing a problem