Blog Boredom

Today, I have felt blogsick.

Faced with the prospect of either a) tidying the room b) eating an entire tub of vanilla ice-cream or c) preparing for tomorrow, I have taken the sensible decision and sat here with a spoon whilst browsing the web - a distraction to ensure that I don't in fact finish the full litre of cornish sweet goodness and instead find a new way to procrastinate.

By chewing over the backlog of my former self? Sounds like a perfect way to similtaneously dwell miserably on the past while taking up enough time to avoid doing anything useful and pass the minutes until I can pretend to pay attention to something else or go to bed.

Seventeen. I started when I was seventeen. To be honest, I don't think it's that much different to now, other than I cater to a different audience, alter my style as I see fit. It's funny how easily people get lost in the click-to-click - there's been so many effective strangers who once knew so much about me, yet shrugged off suddenly or gradually and never seen again. Someone once mentioned to me how this way of life is a substitute - filling a gap for something that's missing in your personal life. It's very true. Once you feel complete otherwise, there's no need to have your woes and views appreciated by the wider wash of passing visitors who neither really know nor care who you are and what you do, but are more just looking for a way to occupy a dull evening.

This is not the end. It's fairly obvious it's not going to go from one-a-day to none-a-month overnight. It's not over, but it's twenty-one-forty and I have some place I'd rather be.

On the jukebox: Regina Spektor ~ The Call

Final Farewell

Today, I have said goodbye for good.

It's raining.

Overwhelmed. It's a habit to focus on the bad points of the moment, it's natural to see the past through rose-tinted glasses. I fear if I go on too long, I'll end up rambling and get emotional and uninteresting. So I'll try and keep it brief. Goodbyes are rubbish. Life is difficult. Results were a huge relief. This week has been great. Next year will be weird. The future is scary. You live and you learn and you keep on living.

Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings.
The only thing that's left to do is get another round in at the bar.

On the jukebox: The Calling ~ Wherever You Will Go <3

People Person

Today, I have spoken to strangers.

Usually I don't find it too hard to talk to new people, given the circumstance where it's appropriate or necessary, at a party or a barbecue or a situation where you're surrounded by friends of friends or just plain alcohol-fuelled chance encounters, chatting with strangers.

It's fun to meet new people. The thrill of not knowing where it's going, finding out information, piecing together their past, fantasising about the future. You can pretend to be anyone you want, because chances are, it won't need to last too much longer, so it's fine to keep up the act. Sometimes, I feel like I'm only interesting for the first impression. That first spark of excitement. After that, there's no use in waiting around. Perhaps it's a sign of chronic insecurity, perhaps a sign of earnest desperation for acceptance, perhaps I'm punching above my weight or out of my league. Perhaps, it's just not possible to keep up with everyone - if you click enough, you'll find a way to stay in touch?

It's sad, I feel, that I've met so many new people so near to end of term, especially when so many of them are leaving. What we really need, I reckon, is three weeks of welcome-back partying at the beginning of the academic year. When you know enough people to party with, but there's always going to be people you don't know there as well. A chance to get to know people, and have enough time to cultivate the relationships. Now, it feels like I'm only just getting to know some people really well, or at all, and then suddenly it'll be forever without seeing them, because we're not close enough to arrange to see each other when not in the same city.

Strangely enough, it feels like I don't want to leave this place so soon, and yet, on the flip side, I know half the fun of it is knowing it can't last forever. The point is that we're building up to an end. Otherwise, we wouldn't be livin' it up every night. The point is, we won't see each other for at least four months, a year, or never again. It's part of the mixed up this time of year feeling and it's part of the reason I'm sat here now, reflecting and pouring out my soul, feeling like I want to cry my eyes out whilst jumping for joy. Utter Madness.

Sore Throat. Hurt Head. Aching Body. Tired Eyes. Bleeding Heart.

On the jukebox: McFly ~ 5 Colours In Her Hair

Party Time!

Today, I have been to a party.

Far from the wistful childhood party days of jelly, cocktail sausages and fizzy pop, nowadays it's all about the...jelly, barbecued sausages and...fizzy pop. Okay, so maybe it's not all that different nowadays, except for the vodka in the jelly, the beer on the sausages and the wine with the fizzy pop. But in essence, it's very similar - a group of young people gather 'round to sit and chat and play...

It's taken me a while, I'm still not completely all there, but after a couple of years, I think I've hit a spot where I'm comfortable and satisfied with who I am and what I do. This may be a flitting moment of madness, an up on the rollercoaster of life, so don't be surprised if I change tune in two minutes or so.

This week, I've packed more into my social life than the rest of the academic year put together. I've met more new people than I could ever imagine keeping up with. I've had more fun than I thought possible, and what's more, I've finally found a group of friends who I can spend plenty of time with. First year, while there were moments of pure hilarity, was not the most fantastic year of my life. Second year has had it's own share of issues, but looking back, I might be so bold as to say it's been better than first year. Certainly, after exams last year wasn't the best time for me, and while this season has it's own share of heartache, I feel like I'm dealing with things a lot better. I feel more secure in myself, happy and settled with the person I've become.

End of year is a confusing time. It's so up and down and all over the place. It's kind of been a bit of a blur, I want to catch hold of every moment and treasure the time together, but it's all going so fast I'm not quite sure what to make of it. As is probably evident by this jumbled and disjointed entry, it's all a bit twisted and turbulent and will be over too soon. But hey, if you're on the ride, you might as well open your eyes.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, and there's still more to come!

On the jukebox: Jessica Riddle ~ Even Angels Fall

Fond Farewell

Today, I have said goodbye for now.

Many of my close friends are spending the year away from uni next year. For countless of other students of my era, it's the same situation. Third year is placement year, third year is year abroad. Third year is the penultimate year for many, the final year for most.

Drawing into a close on my second year involves coming to the realisation of how strange it will be next year. Well, strange in the scheme of things, the learning curve at this age is so very steep that there is always bound to be life-altering events continually whilst at uni - people changing, moving, forming of new friendships, breaking off from old boyfriends. So strange is all relative - different is what it will be.

Do you think it is advisable, in this stage of life, to stay in a relationship when you know you will be in different countries for over a year? Then, if you decide it's not the best plan to conduct a trans-continental - or even trans-national - relationship, do you think you should stay together up until the point when you know you'll have to end it, or break it off before, when you know that the end is in sight, but you still could feasibly see each other? Is it weird to set a date to break up? Does it make it harder to string it out when you know it's going to have to end, or should you make the most of your time together, counting down the days...? Oh, I could not tally the amount of times a concept such as this has been a cause for discussion, contemplation and the infamous "it's complicated"

That's part of the problem with relationships at university, at one point or another, it is bound to be long distance for at least some of the time. Of course, that's not necessarily a reason to not get into a relationship, but it makes things a lot harder than when you have the option of being around any time you like. Since sixth form, this idea has been chewed over until it's stale, and yet new circumstances where it applies keep cropping up, and so the conversation never dies.

When it comes down to it, I don't think it's about cheating. Relationships are about being able to spend time and share moments, memories and musings with that person. It's restricting, although it's a comfort factor, to consign yourself to a relationship with someone on the other side of the world. Just because it might be better for you not to be together doesn't mean you want to sleep around, it doesn't mean you want to find someone else, it doesn't mean you have someone else in mind. It's more about freedom. Freedom, to do whatever you decide, whenever you want, go wherever you like, with whoever you wish, and if you kiss somebody, then both of you get practice.

We are young, we run free.

Vote: Break Up or Stay Together?

On the jukebox: Tina Turner ~ I Aint Missing You

Attractive Aspects

Today, I have been attracted to accents.

For those who know my obsession with accents, this will not be news. I hold the belief that a sexy accent can make a person at least 54.8% more attractive in comparison to someone who has a less than desirable way of speaking. It definitely makes a lot of difference in my view. Does it change your perception of people, in terms of attractiveness levels?

It's not the most insightful conversation to speak of 'type' with regards to fancying someone. Normally will come the response "I don't have a type", or it'll be vague generic aspects that will tend to be similar for many people. I find it interesting when people do go for a certain type, or rule people out immediately if they're lacking a particular quality.

Tall or Short? Skinny or Broad? Blonde or Brunette? Fair-skinned or Dark-skinned? Long or Short Hair? Bearded or Clean Shaven?

Sometimes, I'll make strong statements like: I wouldn't want to go out with someone shorter than me, I wouldn't want to go out with someone younger than me. This are generally accepted as undesirable options in a woman seeking a man. Does it really matter that much?

Would you say there are certain physical points that draw you more to a person? Or are you not so vain or shallow? ;o)

On the jukebox: Blondie ~ Denis

Say Yes

Today, I have met up with an old friend.

In the end, it was so worth it. The evening started off slow, I imagined we'd be alright chatting 'cause we have topics to talk about, and so much had happened in each of our lives that it didn't matter that we didn't know each other so well, we could get still get along fine. We conversed smoothly and easily and if that had been it, it wouldn't have been as fun, but it would have been useful all the same and I would have felt good about myself for agreeing to the pestering to meet-up. But what made it so much better was the impromptu entertainment of the evening - unexpected events are always what make the memories.

Saturday nights on the town are so very different from a regular weekday student night. Weekend night life is full of locals and actual "grown-ups" - people who work in the city, people who visit from nearby towns, people who come down for the weekend for some sporting event or a reunion. It's odd - despite being 18+ for quite a while, and so legitimately allowed to stay out into the early hours, it still strikes me as kind of weird that there are so many people out on the streets in the dead of night. And how, it's somehow so much more acceptable to just pick up a conversation with anyone, a situation that wouldn't occur in the same place if it was midday rather than midnight. Everyone's always rushing to be somewhere during the day, in the evenings it's all about letting your hair down, relaxing, embracing the opportunity to meet new people, lend a hand, pretend to be someone else, wish a happy birthday, find out where people are from, what they're doing, where they're going - going with the flow. It's awesome how it's possible to have these totally random moments or meetings, and it doesn't seem awkward or weird at all - anything could happen and it'd just be something to take in your stride, a story to tell, a moment to reminisce - remember when...?

Ignoring the fact that I'm completely confused about some stuff, and never quite sure what I should or shouldn't be doing, it was a good night. It was the first night that I've been out with people who weren't students, though to be honest, the fact that I was four years younger than the youngest person there and the only one still in higher education didn't seem to make much of a difference. All that's changed is that these guys only get to do it once every once in a while, instead of every other night of the week. In fact, in that respect, it's sometimes more risk-taking, more daring, more fun, because they know they're not going to have the chance again for some time, so might as well make the most of it while you can.

All in all, I definitely don't regret going. Saying yes seems to be working well so far!

On the jukebox: Spice Girls ~ Spice Up Your Life