Steel Bites

Ever since I was little, I've been eating steel. You know those things you do without really giving a second thought? Rather than trying to face the fear of doing something, I get someone else to sort it out for me and  I swallow a bit of steel. Steel doesn't taste nice, it's a bit like guilt, regret and disappointment mixed into a bite-sized ball bearing, but in exchange, I get something I need or want so it kind of feels like it's worth it and I don't concern myself over the consequences it might have later down the line.

As I say, I've been eating small, controlled portions of steel for a while now and, as you should know, steel is magnetic. So, any time someone gives me a bit of steel, I will become more affected by their magnet. They are likely to be aware of this fact, but it's not deliberate and it's not malicious, it's just one of the common laws of science. From a simple viewpoint, it seems that the more steel I eat, the more rewards I get but it comes at the price, in that it's hard to detach myself from their field of influence. This inability to take control over my own position and pathway can be severely problematic and becomes worse the longer I let it go on.

There comes a point where all the steel I've collected over the years starts to sit heavily on my stomach. It comes to the point where I kind of wish that if there's an incident where the decision is between "eat my steel or do it yourself", I could feel more comfortable about choosing the latter option. But there's so many factors that become twisted into the situation that sometimes it's just like "well, what harm will a just a little bit more steel do...?" 

It's so much easier to take the more convenient option.

Steel does not make you a stronger or healthier person - spinach is a better way to get iron in your blood, if we were talking literally, which we're not. But still, the more steel I eat, the harder it becomes to break away from that magnetic force and in the end, the pinch of guilt, regret and disappointment that I've taken with each piece manifests into a ball of frustration and anger at how I've let the situation get to this point, how people around me have let me eat steel for so long, without realising the damage they could be causing to my personal development.

I'm trying to give up eating steel, where possible; I'm making the effort to refuse the easier option. It's difficult to get out of the habit of asking or looking out for a helping hand, even when truthfully, you know, you should be doing it on your own by now.

Flitterbox: Stealer's Wheels ~ I Get By - must try harder