"Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth."
The subtle and subconscious concept of body language fascinates me. The little clues, hidden meanings that are wrapped within a single twitch of the lips or displayed in a momentary lapse of concentration in which true feelings slip out involuntarily. It's quite astounding how much these signs, sometimes almost undetectable, can have an effect when making decisions on the basis of character, the difference it makes to people's judgement, the large part paralanguage plays when aiming to gauge a person's real intentions, contributing to the gut instinct you have about someone.
This is part of the issue with internet interaction. As you have nothing other to judge a person than what you seen on screen, it means it's easier to create your own concepts of what the person is like, why they're acting like that, what they're really feeling. Indeed, it's far simpler to overcome the initial barriers one may have when meeting someone new, there is less of the awkwardness, uncomfortable silences don't feature and often, quite readily, a false sense of intimacy is created. You are able to say things you wouldn't dare to utter aloud, you can test boundaries in a way you wouldn't be able to in regular communication. Without verbal or physical clues it's more likely that one could misconstrue a situation or a comment.
It's harder to convey raw emotion - pure elation, fierce anger, complete desolation... all reduced to nothing more than stark words on a page, it's harder to feel the pain, share the happiness with only words. Words are an insufficient medium for the expression of feelings. Without face-to-face interaction, it's not possible to show someone they're out of line soley from a raised eyebrow and steely glare; nor to enjoy a private joke with an exchange of a secret smirk. You can't dissolve tension, fear or sadness within a single hug of mutual understanding; wit and humour doesn't always translate as intended. It helps to be adept at using the written language, but really, that's not enough. When lacking the nuances effortlessly portrayed through body language, there arrives the necessity to derive assumptions from mere words. Words are not enough. But they are such a perfect place to start.
It's harder to convey raw emotion - pure elation, fierce anger, complete desolation... all reduced to nothing more than stark words on a page, it's harder to feel the pain, share the happiness with only words. Words are an insufficient medium for the expression of feelings. Without face-to-face interaction, it's not possible to show someone they're out of line soley from a raised eyebrow and steely glare; nor to enjoy a private joke with an exchange of a secret smirk. You can't dissolve tension, fear or sadness within a single hug of mutual understanding; wit and humour doesn't always translate as intended. It helps to be adept at using the written language, but really, that's not enough. When lacking the nuances effortlessly portrayed through body language, there arrives the necessity to derive assumptions from mere words. Words are not enough. But they are such a perfect place to start.
If you're born with a love for the wrote and the writ
People of letters your warning stands clear
Pay heed to your heart and not to your wit
Don't say in a letter what you can't in my ear.
On the jukebox: Johnny Flynn ~ The Wrote & The Writ
"wit and humour doesn't always translate as intended"
ReplyDeleteAin't that the truth...
It's weird. You're right, there's a lot missed out when words on a screen are all you have to go on. I've only met one person in real life that I first met online (so I dunno if this is typical), but after I met that person we both agreed that the internet-friendship tranferred really well. Despite the fact that it was the first time we'd properly met, it didnt feel as awkward as I expected it might, and we both agreed that it just felt like meeting up with any other good friend.
Point I'm trying to make is, I think it's definitely possible to get to know someone fairly well just from their words, even though it's missing a lot of what you get from "normal" face-to-face chatter. Just takes time - but then doesn't it always? :)
I make more grammatical and spelling mistakes through verbal contact than I do in the Blogsphere. Now THAT is really something...
ReplyDelete:-p
I've had a couple of internet-to-real-life friendship meet-ups, and a friendship which although we were introduced first in real life mainly blossomed at first online. All of those transitions were surprisingly successful, so I think there is a lot you can find from words. I think that's partly because you compensate online by saying a lot more verbally than you would have to face-to-face, and it's partly because, well, a million apes typing forever would eventually come up with the collected works of shakespeare - talk enough to a person, about enough things, and you'll have got a pretty good impression of them by the time you meet.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile deliberately reading body-language is difficult. Usually you pick it up subconsciously, and usually you're right about what you've picked up, but it's the absolute worst, hawkishly looking at every movement someone makes and wondering what it means they are thinking and interpreting it through a filter of optimism, pessimism, whisky, overtiredness and wishful thinking.
I frequently curse myself for putting across a tone completely unlike what it should be representing. I sometimes scatter exclamation marks at the end of sentences to assure people that I'm not intoning my text like Death proclaiming the termination of a soul. But I still don't think it works.
ReplyDeleteI was about to say that over a period of time you can probably get a pretty good impression of someone, but what about those who pretend to be the opposite sex or some other deviance? I'd exclude cases where someone intends to mislead another, but that ridicules my assertion that you can get a good impression of someone. Maybe it all depends how honest the impressee is. At any rate, internet interaction when it counts is so rarely not a substitute because there's nothing better. So put up with the bad and be thankful for the good, we must.
I've tried reading body language in cases where I absolutely know what I should be seeing, so I can be sure what's what. And I still don't see what I should do. So I don't think it's necessarily a window to the mind and I also don't think I'm very good at it.