Finding Fireworks

Eleven years ago, I created an account on an internet forum.

In the midst of MSN spaces, MSN messenger and mySpace, I followed a link on a blog and ended up signing up to a site where comments and conversations were no longer limited to blog posts, but could be continued in discussions and threads. I had no idea how much that place would shape my next few years.

I made friends. Honest, true-to-life friends. I know it’s like, totally normal and cool and hip now to have internet friends, but back then, I was just the weirdo who declined a night out to spend a night in with people I’d never met. When I started university, the forum was my safe haven. There are many negatives of net relationships, but one of the plus points is that they are always there, wherever you are. At a time when everything was changing and everyone I knew was either too far away, or too new to know properly, the forum was there. I just had to log on to a computer to find my friends, to laugh, to moan, to offload and to interact with ease. For a few hours, I didn’t feel so lonely.

As the years went on, the people I’d never seen became more than that. A tight-knit small community of people, varying ages and stages of life, we weren’t brought together by a common interest but somehow, it worked. We shared memories, thoughts and in-jokes. We met up with each other, across the country, once or a few times. We hugged, we chatted, we ate cake and drank tea, coffee, wine. Some of us even dated. I never expected what could come out of simply logging on a forum, once upon a time.

In time, life improved, both socially and work-wise and I didn’t need that internet crutch as much. It was still there and a comfort, like a bowl of warm soup on a cold November night, but I didn’t desperately crave it as much as before. On balance, that’s probably for the best – it makes sense to live your life in the real world, a richer and more satisfying experience overall. But I do miss them and as lame as it sounds, I am so grateful that the forum was there at the time that I needed it most. I would have got by, sure, I would have been okay, either way, but collectively, those forum members helped more than any of them individually can really know.

Eleven years. It has often seemed odd that I’ve known them longer than anyone from university and yet, for a large part, there’s so much detail I don’t know about them. We posted opinions and anecdotes but personal information was limited. With the way the internet is now, I’m sure I could find them if I wanted to, re-connect, engage in a deeper sense, become more involved in each other’s ‘real’ lives, beyond the screen. The question I keep coming back to is – do I want to do that? Do I want them to be real people? Or am I content with the way things were and are, a step removed from reality, keeping a façade to hide behind. Would we even get on if we extended our friendship outside the bounds of the web? With anonymity comes the freedom to say what you like without the direct connection to the outward perception of yourself.

How different is the person you are to people around you, to the person you present on screen?

Flitterbox: Keane ~ Somewhere Only We Know