Today, I have refrained.
Sometimes, it's only when everyone is telling you that this is the thing to do that makes you see that it really isn't right at all for you. You need, not always reassurance, but someone to tell you to go for it, to try, to see, to say yes, because if you don't, you might regret it.
I might regret it, but I doubt it. It's the decision I'm choosing to make and I'd say it's not easy, but no decision is easy for me - it's a wonder I ever manage to get out of the house in the morning. Because choosing not to do something can be just as much of a risk as going for the thing that may not be the greatest thing. I'm taking the chance that there's something else out there, something better and that I don't have to settle for less.
These last couple of months or so have been odd, probably take the crown of bizarrity when measured against the rest of the past year, and that's saying something. I've pushed myself beyond the comfort zone, but there comes a point when you have to halt the madness before it gets out of control. I could have gone along, it would have been fun, I know. But I couldn't be bothered with the confusion and the guilt that comes from the pretence.
I am very good at pretending.
For a short while, I was queen of the fairies. Now I'm back at square one. Or, well, square one and a quarter. Partly by choice, partly by circumstance and partly because that's just the kind of girl I am. I've done a fair bit of self-evaluation recently, and it's not been pretty. And I have learnt some things, I'm sure. So maybe it'll be better next time, practice makes perfect. Or maybe it'll be messed up in a new and spectaculary different way. Who can say, eh? Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
All signs point towards Yes.
Sometimes, it's only when everyone is telling you that this is the thing to do that makes you see that it really isn't right at all for you. You need, not always reassurance, but someone to tell you to go for it, to try, to see, to say yes, because if you don't, you might regret it.
I might regret it, but I doubt it. It's the decision I'm choosing to make and I'd say it's not easy, but no decision is easy for me - it's a wonder I ever manage to get out of the house in the morning. Because choosing not to do something can be just as much of a risk as going for the thing that may not be the greatest thing. I'm taking the chance that there's something else out there, something better and that I don't have to settle for less.
Do you honestly think this is as good as it gets for you?
It could be, maybe. Well, we shall see.
These last couple of months or so have been odd, probably take the crown of bizarrity when measured against the rest of the past year, and that's saying something. I've pushed myself beyond the comfort zone, but there comes a point when you have to halt the madness before it gets out of control. I could have gone along, it would have been fun, I know. But I couldn't be bothered with the confusion and the guilt that comes from the pretence.
I am very good at pretending.
For a short while, I was queen of the fairies. Now I'm back at square one. Or, well, square one and a quarter. Partly by choice, partly by circumstance and partly because that's just the kind of girl I am. I've done a fair bit of self-evaluation recently, and it's not been pretty. And I have learnt some things, I'm sure. So maybe it'll be better next time, practice makes perfect. Or maybe it'll be messed up in a new and spectaculary different way. Who can say, eh? Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
Once in a while your life gets so good,
Worth all the trouble of the past,
That was the case, but I think I knew,
Good things never last.
Worth all the trouble of the past,
That was the case, but I think I knew,
Good things never last.
Dead air. Radio silence = dead air. x
ReplyDeleteI see what you mean about the other side of the coin/the opposite point of view from me. For all our sakes I hope your decision was right - eventually for all concerned. And you're helping me to see why it may have been right in my case too, tough though that is to acknowledge. Thanks :) xxx
ReplyDeleteI really do hope this is only a temporary hiatus. xxx
ReplyDelete