Perpetual Nomad

Today, I have packed.

I am the eternal traveller. I move with the seasons, never staying in one place for more than three months at a time. Britain is brilliant, and I have experienced more of it than ever before this summer - roaming from Land's End to Scotland with many stops in between - my city visits of the past few months sound like I plucked them straight out of the Sunday Times Good University Guide: Bristol, Bath, Oxford, Warwick, Nottingham and beyond. I've been to three of the four capitals of the UK, to the beach, on a plane, in a tent, on a boat, to see buildings, to see bridges, to see sights, to see shops. Life is dandy.

It's been wonderful, it really has and I've been able to spend time with many friends along the way. But juggling so many different activities, spending days with all these distinct groups and individuals, means I've barely had time to pause for a moment; too tired to think. On the hours in which I've had a second to spare I inenvitably waste it, spaced out on the computer or lying in the sun, which is not always a bad thing, I suppose, but sometimes I wish I had a bit more time to focus, you know? Honestly, what will become of me?

I feel a little like I'm losing touch with reality, I've got a heavy heart and an anxious mind. Saturday is the last day of my current occupation. Monday, I start anew in a fresh house in a familiar city. That's one day to gather together my drifting thoughts, sift through scattered belongings and haphazardly stuff them into the trusty transporter to start yet another trip along one of the many motorways of this country. One day to reflect on the season past; one day to ponder the ones to come; one day to worry about the next chapter of my life as it stands.

I don't think one day is enough.

On the jukebox: Nelly Furtado ~ All Good Things - I'm like a bird.

Am Be

Today, I have woken up.

Somethin' filled up
my heart with nothin',
someone told me not to cry.



But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,
and I can see that it's a lie.



I guess we'll just have to adjust.

On the jukebox: Arcade Fire ~ Rebellion (Lies)

Tea Time

Today, I have had a cup of tea.

"when did everyone suddenly become obsessed with drinking tea?!"

Not 'til student days did drinking tea become habitual for me. Prior to then, I remember clearly one of my first trips into tea sips on a freezing cold, wet and dreary day out. I don't like chocolate - a cup of hot cocoa was never going to be an option - so I had some tea to warm me up. I wasn't overly enamoured with the stuff, but then it did come from a machine - grey, bitty, lukewarm liquid in a polystyrene cup - so perhaps not the best start.

Once at uni, tea-drinking was to the daytime as alcohol-drinking was to the night. That is, there was the potential to find yourself left out without a mug in hand, or alternatively, a part of a fabulous group of friends purely based on the fact that you shared hot water from the same kettle. It was a bonding thing, to make a cup of tea was to make people like you. And since I was Queen of Mugs and Chief Milk Provider, I was quite popular with the tea-drinkers. We'd sit and sip and chat and share and watch banal daytime TV as if we had nothing better to do, which in actuality is not so far from the truth, we were students after all...

Do you care for tea?

Why yes, I'm very fond of tea

So yes, it's tea all the way. Milk, no sugar, thanks. Ordinary or Earl Grey, preferably, sometimes Green, White or Chamomile in the evening - too much caffeine makes me jittery and aids insomnia. No biscuits, no chocolate wafers, no jam & bread. Just tea will do me. Tea's comforting. Tea's wonderful. I love the Tea. (and the jewellry...)

it's always tea time

On the jukebox: Arcade Fire ~ Wake Up

Geek Girl

Today, I have sourced scientific artefacts.

I am not cool.

I am not cool. Conversing with people on the internet is not a cool thing to do. Insightful, interesting, and thought-provoking, yes, but not cool. Science is not cool. Intellectual, innovative and incredibly useful, yes, but not cool. Teetotal is not cool and drinking alcohol in moderation is disobeying the social commandment of students. I prefer photoshop to painting; I prefer books to tv; I prefer writing to talking.

I am weird, I am geeky, I am quirky, I am special. I am the kind of person who makes a periodic table out of post-it notes or knows pi to eight decimal places, I am the type of person who spends a free morning looking at chemistry-based jewellery or trying out different ways to wear a lab coat.

Sometimes I pretend to be cool for the hell of it, and hey, sometimes I get away with it. But really, pretending to be cool is just another way of being weird. And to be honest, I'm quite alright with that.

Girl, 21: charming but insane

On the jukebox: Tom Lehrer ~ The Elements Song

Felis Catus

Today, I have been picking up on that feline beat

'cause everything else is obsolete

On the jukebox: The Aristocats ~ Everybody Wants To Be A Cat

Making Magic

Today, I have organised.

You know, when you're a magician, and you're expected to impress everyone, every time, with every trick you do. You should be in that place, at this time, because you always gather a good crowd there which generally makes for a good time. But it's also that person's party and they want you to perform, and you can't and that's unfortunate, but sometimes that's the card you have to choose. Plus, there's this awesome arts festival that some of your fellow entertaining folk are attending and you want to jump on their bandwagon, but you might miss out on the opportunity because it's a little too late to change your plans. And while it's great that you've got so many shows lined up, you just wish that there was a little more time, and a little less distance, between each one.

It's tough, there's no point in complaining, that's just how the vocation works. Anyway, don't forget - there's a lot of enjoyment to come from this way of life, too.

Due to the nature of your occupation, you encounter fresh, as well as familiar, faces from all over the country and with no particular tie to any one location, you have the option to go anywhere you fancy. It's fantastic because it means you can see different places and meet new people, but you kind of wish that it was a little bit easier to see all the friends you want to see, do all the jobs you need to do and above all, be able to have fun, too. It seems that to have all three is a virtual impossibility.

After all, you're a magician, not a miracle worker.

On the jukebox: Radiohead ~ Creep

Looking Glass

Today, I have been through the looking glass.

It wasn't really about the clicks, it wasn't really about the content, it wasn't really about the comments. Except it was and it is and even now it will be. You don't know who I am and even after four years you have no idea except a little bit, except a lot of it. But not all.

I remember you and I remember a lot. And it's like it all happened and the in-jokes are there but no laughter is heard. It's kind of like a dream and it's kind of like a history but it's also kind of like reading a book and never getting to meet the characters. And it kind of makes me sad and it kind of makes me happy and if I look too closely it's not really real.

But it is there, and there are people. Because it's not fiction, it's true stories and these characters aren't formed from imagination, they really exist. I think it's possible to forget that in all the descriptive paragraphs - blogs lend themselves so well to giving an account of life more colourful than the experience itself - if you can't see it, you need the words to put the detail in and it's hard to separate, to think of these personalities as actual people, especially if you never even see their faces...

Why would you read this? It's the raw honesty dressed up in flowery prose. It's the mystery that remains after such a long while; I keep my mask firmly on, though sometimes I peek from beneath it unexpectedly. But most of the time, it's just the holes for eyes. And the eyes are the window to the soul. So you may not know me, who I am, what I'm like after three shots of vodka and a bottle of wine but you know what I think and feel more than many others. It's odd that it should be that way, but that's how it is, you know. Sometimes, it's just easier to write. Just to let it out. Just to let it go.

Happy 4th Birthday, Flix

On the jukebox: Anna Nalick ~ Drink Me