Today, I have said goodbye for now.
Many of my close friends are spending the year away from uni next year. For countless of other students of my era, it's the same situation. Third year is placement year, third year is year abroad. Third year is the penultimate year for many, the final year for most.
Drawing into a close on my second year involves coming to the realisation of how strange it will be next year. Well, strange in the scheme of things, the learning curve at this age is so very steep that there is always bound to be life-altering events continually whilst at uni - people changing, moving, forming of new friendships, breaking off from old boyfriends. So strange is all relative - different is what it will be.
Do you think it is advisable, in this stage of life, to stay in a relationship when you know you will be in different countries for over a year? Then, if you decide it's not the best plan to conduct a trans-continental - or even trans-national - relationship, do you think you should stay together up until the point when you know you'll have to end it, or break it off before, when you know that the end is in sight, but you still could feasibly see each other? Is it weird to set a date to break up? Does it make it harder to string it out when you know it's going to have to end, or should you make the most of your time together, counting down the days...? Oh, I could not tally the amount of times a concept such as this has been a cause for discussion, contemplation and the infamous "it's complicated"
That's part of the problem with relationships at university, at one point or another, it is bound to be long distance for at least some of the time. Of course, that's not necessarily a reason to not get into a relationship, but it makes things a lot harder than when you have the option of being around any time you like. Since sixth form, this idea has been chewed over until it's stale, and yet new circumstances where it applies keep cropping up, and so the conversation never dies.
When it comes down to it, I don't think it's about cheating. Relationships are about being able to spend time and share moments, memories and musings with that person. It's restricting, although it's a comfort factor, to consign yourself to a relationship with someone on the other side of the world. Just because it might be better for you not to be together doesn't mean you want to sleep around, it doesn't mean you want to find someone else, it doesn't mean you have someone else in mind. It's more about freedom. Freedom, to do whatever you decide, whenever you want, go wherever you like, with whoever you wish, and if you kiss somebody, then both of you get practice.
We are young, we run free.
Vote: Break Up or Stay Together?
On the jukebox: Tina Turner ~ I Aint Missing You
Many of my close friends are spending the year away from uni next year. For countless of other students of my era, it's the same situation. Third year is placement year, third year is year abroad. Third year is the penultimate year for many, the final year for most.
Drawing into a close on my second year involves coming to the realisation of how strange it will be next year. Well, strange in the scheme of things, the learning curve at this age is so very steep that there is always bound to be life-altering events continually whilst at uni - people changing, moving, forming of new friendships, breaking off from old boyfriends. So strange is all relative - different is what it will be.
Do you think it is advisable, in this stage of life, to stay in a relationship when you know you will be in different countries for over a year? Then, if you decide it's not the best plan to conduct a trans-continental - or even trans-national - relationship, do you think you should stay together up until the point when you know you'll have to end it, or break it off before, when you know that the end is in sight, but you still could feasibly see each other? Is it weird to set a date to break up? Does it make it harder to string it out when you know it's going to have to end, or should you make the most of your time together, counting down the days...? Oh, I could not tally the amount of times a concept such as this has been a cause for discussion, contemplation and the infamous "it's complicated"
That's part of the problem with relationships at university, at one point or another, it is bound to be long distance for at least some of the time. Of course, that's not necessarily a reason to not get into a relationship, but it makes things a lot harder than when you have the option of being around any time you like. Since sixth form, this idea has been chewed over until it's stale, and yet new circumstances where it applies keep cropping up, and so the conversation never dies.
When it comes down to it, I don't think it's about cheating. Relationships are about being able to spend time and share moments, memories and musings with that person. It's restricting, although it's a comfort factor, to consign yourself to a relationship with someone on the other side of the world. Just because it might be better for you not to be together doesn't mean you want to sleep around, it doesn't mean you want to find someone else, it doesn't mean you have someone else in mind. It's more about freedom. Freedom, to do whatever you decide, whenever you want, go wherever you like, with whoever you wish, and if you kiss somebody, then both of you get practice.
We are young, we run free.
Vote: Break Up or Stay Together?
On the jukebox: Tina Turner ~ I Aint Missing You
Would you end the relationship anyway if it weren't for the year abroad? If not, what's to stop you giving it a try and re-evaluating after a month or so? Another country doesn't have to mean no communication, even if 'net/phone conversations will never replace face-to-face interaction.
ReplyDeleteWould you feel differently if you were the one going abroad (assuming that you're not, of course)?
I like what Lucy says, there's no harm in trying fact I'd say you'd be almost wrong not to try especially if you value a relationship even the least bit.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough decision and ultimately the people involved have the final say, it's pretty easy (relatively speaking) for outsiders to annouce their opinion when they don't know the ins and outs of a specific relationship.
If you've got it in you, you can be 1000 miles apart and still remain faithful and strong to that one person. It's hard but doable.
xx
Yeah, I agree with everything said so far. If it wasn't for the year abroad, would you still break up? If yes, then go ahead and do it. If not, then at least try and keep it up. Evaluate every month or so, and see how you go.
ReplyDeleteOf course, if you prefer freedom, and feel caged in the relationship, then break up regardless of the year abroad.
But it is up to you to decide.
I think, like the others said, it's worth a try. Why not? Yes, it may hurt more in the long run, but you never know- it might actually work.
ReplyDeleteI dislike the year away from each other, but it's possible, tho unlikely. depends on the couple, but I would tend to say "break it off" tho it wouldn't have to be a real break up. just say, look, reality is we're leaving. for a year. we'll stay in touch, and when the year's over, we'll see. but yeah, I don't see it working, and I'd vote break up, and see how you feel as it goes along. if you want to keep talking to him/her, do it, maybe you'll decide after a while that you'd rather be together. not saying it can't work, just unlikely.
ReplyDeleteare you going abroad in your 4th year? to America!? to TEXAS!? over the weekend I met a German exchange student going to "uni" in a pretty small town here in East Texas. *hint hint*
Possibly set some rules for a compromised relationship. If a kiss IS just a kiss, then it's maybe not a problem, so long as you both have the strength to admit if it's more than that, if you've got emotionally involved. Give it a try, I guess, and be flexible about it. Whichever way you jump, good luck!
ReplyDeleteI was trying to type the address of my space from memory but apparently I got it wrong. Sorry!!
ReplyDeleteThanks all :)
ReplyDeleteIt wouldn't be a problem staying together and seeing how it goes if it wasn't for the distance. If giving it a try results in a teary phone conversation from the other side of the world, that isn't the best way to end a relationship, and then you're stuck miserable and a million miles away from everything you call home.
Choosing to break up due to distance issues doesn't necessarily mean you would in other circumstances. But when logic wins over - it doesn't always make sense to stay in a relationship, even though you still care so much about each other. Relationships are complicated enough without all the heartache and missing each other that would be so much more intense when staying in the relationship whilst remaining apart.
It's not about wanting to be with other people, it's not about not wanting to be with each other. It's a year, it's not forever and what's the point in being together when you can't ever be together? I'd rather make the choice to split now, than be forced into it by finding it doesn't work out later. It seems a very blunt way of looking at it, but I don't think it means the relationship is any less worthy, nor is it the "easy way out"
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
Well, if we're talking about you (I'm not sure!), then well done for being so sensible and mature about it, and good luck with everything.
ReplyDeleteI, on the other hand, am telling myself to give distance a chance. I may, actually, be insane.
How far is far for you, Claire?
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, it does depend heavily on the frequency, number and length of visits - and when someone's in Australia or Canada or Texas(:P) or somewhere, it's just not feasible, and don't forget - we're still so young. This probably sounds somewhat heartless and uncompromising, but sometimes one is forced to take emotion out of the equation to try to see things clearly and make the "sensible" decision.
I can imagine it might turn into a sort of "we're not officially in a relationship, but really, we are kind of acting like we are" which isn't essentially a problem, I guess. It's hard when the reason for break-up is practical rather than emotional - you still want to be together, but circumstance dictates otherwise, so the "I may actually be insane" comment, while not untrue, is not uncommon - many people in relationships do crazy things in the name of love or lust ;) Stay single, stay sane...?
I should probably stop talking about this so much.
*tear*